Hello Friends,
I write this blog tonight with a deep desire to let go, accept Gods forgiveness and move on. Part of this trip and process is allowing myself to be vulnerable. This is a glimpse of my story:
My senior year of high school, I was a running start student working toward getting my AA degree and high school diploma at the same time. I had a steady boyfriend that I loved very much, but those were all things you saw on the outside. On the inside I was a teenager trying to find myself in the midst of a lot of tempations.
My boyfriend was out of school, living with three others guys, and worked full time. Many nights and weekends were spent at his place when I wasnt working or doing school work. Although I was in college I still had many of the typical high scool tempations, we drank our way through the weekends I often went to church with my mom still hungover from the night before. Then when I did good on an exam I would want to celebrate a little extra so I would smoke pot with his roommates. Over the next few months I lost myself while trying to find myself.
Fast forwarding a few months, this same pattern continued, drinking and smoking, but then it was time for church camp. I had signed up many months before, the main reason for going was because of my youth leader. But at this camp I came to find my own relationship with God, not just following on the coat tails of others. I decided I needed to change and that I needed God in my life. Soon after this realization I went home and broke up with my boyfriend, it was a really hard decision because despite the drinking and drugs he was an amazing guy, he treated me like a princess, listened to me, and protected me. I knew in my heart that I needed to fall in love with Jesus before I could fall in love with another guy. God needed to be my focus first and formost.
So this is my confession, I confess to making mistakes, letting drinking and drugs get in my way of a relationship with God. I know that God has forgiven me for these things but now I need to forgive myself, I let go and take ownership for my mistakes, no one forced me to do those things and I can not blame anyone but myself. Time to let go.
Thanks for reading and taking this journey with me! I cant wait to see where the next year and a half takes me. And boyfriend if your reading this, thank you for being there by my side through this season of life and allowing me to find myself, I wish you the best in life and hope one day to be great friends! I miss you!
Jesse
