I really love everything I’m learning about myself. In effort to prevent this blog from becoming unnecessarily sentimental, I’m going to stop with the sappy language.
But truthfully, I am grateful to be here. Last night, my sweet friend Bri led my team in a time of telling God what we are thankful for. I listened as my teammates, who now feel more like my family, told God what they were thankful for—grace for failures, a physical sanctuary of rest to teach us how to rest in the sanctuary of God’s wings, thankfulness for new friends. I think someone also thanked God for mangos—agreed.
As I listened to my friends, I felt relaxed… and truly grateful. However, for me to speak up and tell God what I was thankful for would be a bit of a performance, since I’m not really praying privately right now. But the truth is, I’m thankful for a lot.
After the thankful circle ended, Julie asked me what I thought about the exercise. I figured she wanted to know if I was uncomfortable.
Initially, I pedantically responded with a bit of psychological information—from a purely empirical standpoint, stating what you are thankful for increases your quality of life. So regardless of my spiritual state, acknowledging what I am thankful for is a healthy practice.
Perhaps if I were in a more cynical stage, or with people who don’t seem like family, I would have shown judgment. Judgment for sitting in a circle and sharing orthodox “thankfuls.” But the truth is, judgment didn’t really cross my mind. I actually found my brain running through several things I am thankful for:
- I’m thankful to be riding on the spiritual current of my team. Since my teammates are privately cultivating spirituality in their own lives, I get to take time to wrestle with God as I benefit from the river they are creating
- I’m thankful to be living a life that I admire
- I’m thankful to get to experience different cultures that expand my worldview
- I’m thankful to be here, because even though I’m sort of working out my own spiritual walk, something in me knows it’s going to get somewhere real—and hopefully steady
- I’m grateful for an opportunity that most people don’t have
I struggle with talking so much about myself while I’m on this missions trip. We do mission work everyday—meeting new people, building relationships with them, helping churches and organizations with construction.
Although we do ministry everyday, it doesn’t really have much impact on me right now.
Seeking truth… seeking true relationship with Christ… that’s what is impacting and motivating me, and my hope is that other people can relate to me in my journey.
I’m passionate about people learning how to be real and authentic… and about people feeling safe when they “get real” about where they are in their own processes. I think if our Christian culture cultivated that type of environment, more people would be sharing Jesus-type love.
That’s what I hope to be—a person who shares Jesus-type love. Even in the midst of questioning, this type of love is the kind I strive to show to the people we come in contact with on this trip.
I’d like the opportunity to continue wrestling with these thoughts.
I think my faith is more real and alive than it’s ever been. And I have 8 more countries to go.
But, I need $3,000 to reach my April 1st deadline. I hate asking for money. It’s my least favorite thing to do—maybe because of my pride, or maybe because I fear being manipulative. But right now, my pride must be set aside… because the money isn’t in my account, and well, my job is being a missionary.
I believe I’m supposed to be here. I hope you do too. If you feel called to help me stay on the Race, I’d appreciate any support you can offer.
Visit my support page at https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=worldrace&desc=For%20Jesse%20Stanford.
sporting our gifts from the Salazor family on our last night in Chincha, Peru
