People go through many different phases in their lives.
Many of those phases happen in the teen years.
Some experience the 'goth' look.
Others may go through a "I'm too cool for those kids" phase.
In regards to me-my phases arent about who I hang around, what I like, or what I wear.
My phases are about things that have happened in my life.
For instance, going on the World Race was a phase of my life in which I left the past behind and stepped into what I would call, a new life.
That was a phase.
The next phase of my life, the one I'm currently in, is the phase of re-entry. Let me tell you about re-entry.
So far….it sucks.
I hate it.
In regards to the physical aspect of it, I'm adjusting to a 13-hour time difference, I'm living at the same apt. as I did when I left on the WR, and I'm working at the same spot.
Now let me tell you about the other side of things. The mental; the spiritual; what I'm feeling.
The World Race was a step into a new life.
I left everything behind and its change for me.
Coming back home to the States and living in the same apt. and working at the same spot makes me feel like nothing has changed and it's almost discouraging!
Did the past year actually happen?
DId I really live the life I've lived?
Every day that I want to get up and go work at a children's home.
When I walk out the door of my apartment, I expect the children's home to be sitting right there, just a few steps away.
I want to throw myself on the ground and have a tantrum!
I feel like the World Race is over and now I'm being forced to come home and resume my normal life and it's the last thing I want.
When I'm sitting in the living room of my apartment or walking into the office where I work, I want to find the nearest corner or hiding spot and bawl my eyes out!
When I pick up my Bible, I literally hug it because I feel closer to God with it in my hands.
And I remember that my contact in Swaziland bought it for me.
I look at my bedroom door and see the South African flag that was given to me.
On my wall and sitting on pegs are knives from the Dominican Republic and Nepal.
A prayer shawl given to my teammates and I in India.
I don't want to be in America!
I want my old life back!
I listen to people talk and I want to tell them all about the men, women, and children I fell in love with just so I can hear something thats worth hearing.
I want to remember how good my life was for the past 11 months.
I want to remember all the children's lives I was a part of this last year.
All the friends I made in the Philippines.
I want to go work a 10-hour day in the blazing Haitian sun.
I want to have to have a translator translate the words I'm speaking to those sitting before me in church.
This is such a struggle for me and I guess I don't know what to do.
I just want my old life back.
