At the end of my last blog, I briefly mentioned wanting God. I mentioned wanting all of God-not just part of Him. I want to expound on that.
I wanted my month in Zimbabwe to be the best month. I wanted it to be the month!
I wanted it to be the month that God uses me the most.
I wanted it to be the month that God changed everything about me-my words to be more life-speaking; my thoughts to be more focused on Him; my actions to be more representative of Him; my worship to be whole-hearted.
I had an idea of what I wanted it to look like.
I saw myself on my knees on African dirt with hands lifted high in praise towards the blazing sun fading in the sky as it just happened.
So picturesque.
But God had other things for me.
Change on this trip has come from listening to my teammates deliver constructive feedback. Its been about listening to them tell me what can help make me a better person.
It wasn’t about what God was telling me.
Change had everything to do with receiving constructive feedback and affirmation from my teammates and nothing to do with what God had to give me.
Too bad I couldn’t hear Him.
This month, the definition of change changed for me.
This month change has been about challenge.
Its been about listening and hearing.
I’ve found myself on my knees praying more than I ever have before.
I’ve found myself pacing back and forth pouring it all out to Him; Being raw with Him.
And in return, simply waiting to hear Him.
In the past, my desire to serve God came from being told to serve Him.
It came from being taught that I needed God above everything else.
It wasn’t because I truly wanted God.
It wasn’t because I truly wanted to hear from Him.
Or let Him teach me.
This month, I want God.
I want to hear from Him.
I want to serve Him.
I want to know that He is listening.
I want to grow in Him.
God is a good God.
He hears me when I speak to Him.
He comforts me when I come to Him with something I just don’t understand.
Multiple times, my prayers have been answered this month.
They’ve been answered blatantly.
Not just a gradual answering of my prayers, but answered in a way so transparent that to doubt would be beyond mind-blowing!
I find myself going to Him for everything.
I’m going to God with not only the big problems or frustrations, but the small ones, as well.
When I’m full of fear, I go to Him.
When I’m distressed, I go to Him.
When I need more, I go to Him.
When I just need to hear Him, I go to Him and ask Him to speak.
And He answers and gives me the comfort that I need.
God is such a comforting God.
On a side note: I wrote a blog recently titled, The Doctor. It was about a man over here in Zimbabwe. I just wanted to let you know that this morning, his mother passed away. It was heart-wrenching to see him and to know the pain he is in, but He's doing a great job of putting on a smile. Please pray for him and his family. The guy is simply just a great guy and in just a short period of time, I've gained so much respect for him. Thank you guys!
　
　
　
　
　
