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Everyone who knows me knows that I love my coffee. 🙂

Recently I discovered a cute little Irish coffee shop in St. Paul called Claddagh Coffee. It has a fun, relaxing, artistic vibe and each drink is handcrafted beautifully. This stuff gets me excited. I’ve always wanted to learn how to do latte art, and I REALLY love my coffee, so finding this little treasure has been a highlight of my week! I’ve already been here twice in 1 week. I CAN’T go back…that would be really horrible, haha, but I want to! 🙂

[this is my coffee] 🙂

It was a much needed time by myself. It’s been a rough week and I had some reading to do…my parents lead a couple different missions lifegroups and the book we’re reading for one of them is The Missionary Call by David Sills. I HIGHLY recommend this book to everyone…if you have been on many mission trips or are considering your first one, or are just slightly intrigued and want to learn more…this is the book for you. It helps you define the missionary call and the different ways people might feel called to the mission field and why…It’s awesome. We’ve already read through it once, but have decided to go over it again because there’s so much goodness in it.

So last night, I sat at Claddaghs, sipping my beautiful mocha latte, soaking in the ambiance, and settled in to soak up some missions goodness. Sometimes I just need to sit and think, or sit and read, and having coffee is one of the little things that I really enjoy. I know it’s not necessary, but it warms my soul, especially when it’s coupled with good God time.

As I read the first couple chapters, I could hear so much of what I already know confirmed and revirberated within my soul. It was wonderful on so many levels because I’ve caught myself feeling really low lately, without a distinct purpose, wondering if I’m really where I’m supposed to be, just frustrated with a bunch of different things, hurting, sad, just down in general. It’s been quite the up and down week for me, with very high peaks and very low lows, which frustrates me because it’s not a normal thing for me and so I’ve found myself questioning my whole existence and real purpose.

There have been a lot of lies thrown at me. Like I’m not good enough, I don’t really love that well, I’m boring, I don’t have a purpose, and I’ll never get out of this “rut” that I’m in. I’ve felt desperate to move out of where I am. Desperate for the things that are planned for the future to happen now.

I love the movie Morning Glory because the main character always bangs her head against the wall when she’s frustrated, which is usually what people only think of doing, no one actually does it, but to my delight there are many scenes of her banging her head against a wall, and it really makes me giggle! Maybe because that’s what I can see myself doing.
 

And that’s what I’ve felt like doing this week. I just want to bang my head against a wall, beat some sense into myself, and get myself back on track. I hate feeling sad and listless, and I wish there was a magic way to not feel that way. It hurts. Especially when it’s all a confuddled mess and you’re not sure why exactly you feel this way, it’s just the result of everything at the moment, and you just want out.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say with this blog. It’s okay to get away. Sometimes we just need time alone — somewhere where nobody else knows us. Time to simply hang out with God and refocus on the “why” behind everything in your life right now. Soak Him in. None of us has everything all together. I sure don’t. But the one thing that I know is that God never leaves us. He’s always right beside us, whether we see Him or feel Him or even want Him there. I think each of us, in our own way, needs time to sit down, settle in, soak up — no pressure, no agenda, just enjoying. Savoring. It’s refreshing. Necessary.
 
Psalm 25:4-5 – “Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me.”