True life of Jess Ecker: I cry… a lot. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am tired. I cry when other people cry. I cry when Oprah does the giveaway presents show. I cry when my brother preaches…. My heart is so full it falls out of my eyes; I just cry a lot! But, I can count on my fingers the number of times I have cried nonstop. Just weeping. This is very rare. But happens: for loss, three times; for heartache, two times; in pain, one time; for joy, two times; for goodbyes, two times…
(I promise this blog will not make you cry! I just had to think of a way to conclude the month in Thailand and I left crying… you don’t have to! Unless, like me, you are a sympathy crier…I totally understand!)
Place:
Flashback -> Sr. High Camp 2012 -> Friday
It was Friday and I woke up crying. Crying because after one week it was time to say goodbye. I walked into breakfast, crying…
I loved these girls in my cabin so much. (and to this day, I still remember each one of them, yes Taylor, I still remember you!) I loved that while they were in my care I could love them and guide them. And as wrong as it might be, I hated that they were leaving to travel out of my sight, out of my care.
I suppose this short week was my first glimpse of parenthood in a small way. I gave these girls everything I had; we shared in pain and in testimony and in Christ. We played, we laughed, we cried… but on Friday, it was time to release them. Like a parent after 18 years or so, it becomes time to release children into the world and trust that that time invested is going to be blessed.
From this hard goodbye I learned: while it is exhausting and scary and difficult to give every ounce of energy into a person or small group of people, it is WORTH IT! To never be afraid of that goodbye but to rejoice in it and be glad; glad for the time shared and glad for the opportunity to act as a catalyst for growth in Christ. Essentially, to constantly be reminded that I am a vessel to be used by God. And to remember the wise words of my dad: leave it all on the field, don’t hold back.
It would be crazy for a parent to make their child stay with them after 18 or so years without releasing them to learn life because they think they still need to keep teaching. It would be crazy for Jesus to never leave the disciples because they were not ready to be without Him. Instead He left them the Holy Spirit. The same Holy Spirit that guides those disciples guides us children… guides my campers.
They have been raised up to be released; to find their legs and to adhere to the Father’s instructions independently.
2015 Chiang Mai -> bar friends goodbyes -> interns goodbyes -> Zion goodbyes -> bus to Cambodia
I woke up on our last day and made it to lunchtime before the tears began to fall, nonstop.
People:
My teammate Collins and I began our goodbyes. Goodbye to our coffee lady, Boo. Goodbye to our Pad Thai friend, Nat. Goodbye to our friends at Carnival. Goodbye Fon. Goodbye Emmi <3
Process:
As we boarded the bus for Cambodia, all I could think about was how God taught me that lesson of joyfully letting go through my senior high girls as a camp counselor. I can love my friends still and that was not our goodbye forever. We can write or facebook (what a huge blessing) and we can always be praying. But as I left, I was reminded that my mission was to love as hard as I could while present and through my actions and words, present Christ.
Yes, it was hard to watch their faces disappear as we drove away. It was a heartbreaking goodbye. But God is their provider, protector, redeemer, savior and comforter. Who am I to think I could replace that in anyway…? I am handing them over to the God who does it best; who loves unendingly, who created and designed those hearts and who intricately knows every detail of their needs. And in that I can be grateful and rest assured.
Prayers:
-thank you for praying
-pray for Zion to become fully funded on its expansion endeavor
-pray for the women working there to continue to grow in Christ
-Pray for the places where we visited and our friends in the bars there
-praise that the main floor of the new café was sponsored
-praise that I am 85% funded
Thank you so much.
-Pray for our month of March as my team is serving in an orphanage in Cambodia with 36 children
