I have no plan for this blog, but I’m sitting in the Internet Cafe down the street from our apartment with a head full of thoughts and a desire to write, so I think I will.
Have you ever been one to do things the hard way? I think I’m one of those types of people. I don’t necessarily like to get into trouble or finding out that I’m wrong, but I seem to do it a lot. Okay, let’s be honest. I hate getting into trouble, but I still semi-like doing the things that get me into it. Like, when I was a teenager I hated the idea of my parents catching me smoking, but the thrill of smoking was too much and so I’d do it anyway. No ill-intentions or malicious motivations behind it, I just liked the rush.
Come on, you have to know what I mean, right? As a Christian, do I chalk that up to “acting according to my flesh”? Or is that something God put in me? I know, you’re thinking, “She’s funny. Of course God didn’t create her to like doing “bad things”. That’s just her flesh and she needs to fight against it.” But, what if I were a big girl and admitted to you that I sometimes like that side of me? Seriously! I like the side of me that likes getting a rush out of breaking the rules.
So, I’m not in such a place where I want to change that about me. Instead, I’d like to think that maybe God could use it for His Kingdom someday. Maybe I could back-talk some bad guys or sass some predators trying to get at the kids God puts me in charge of. That would be fun. I could be the sassy heroine figure in my own epic life-movie.
I doubt God much likes me being the heroine though… I get the feeling He’d rather be the Hero. I guess that’s okay. He’ll do a much better job than I could anyway. *Wink, God* Scripture says He likes using the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; {and He} chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. So much for being great in and of myself. Instead, my weakness is my greatest strength. How funny? Doesn’t it seem sometimes like God has it backwards when in all actuality, we do.
I’m finally at the point in my 25th year of life that I’m becoming okay with being a mess. I can mess up, admit it and laugh at myself. (Well, maybe that’s going a little too far… I’m not quite at the laughing part yet. I still get really embarrassed and won’t talk to anyone for at least 10 minutes after the event). But I can at least visualize myself laughing in the future! And being someone who’s becoming okay with being a mess… and makes a lot of messes… I’m living out the definition of Grace.
1grace1
a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b :a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace.
(http://www.merriam-webster.com/)
1 unmerited – not merited or deserved;
unworthy – lacking in value or merit; “dispel a student whose conduct is
deemed unworthy”; “unworthy of forgiveness”.
Whoa. Unworthy… lacking in value or merit… unworthy of forgiveness… That was me… before Jesus… before God’s Grace. Thank you Lord for Your grace! Thank you for Your Son who was the atonement for my sins! I really am very, very thankful… look how fallen I am!? I hate getting into trouble, but I still like doing the things that get me there! Pretty messed up huh? Messed up, but real.
So, the moral of the story has to be this: I’ll put a stop on the order for my pink heroine cape and sparkly heroine boots and instead bow low in the ashes that surround me accepting that someday, maybe even today, I will arise from them with beauty. 
Final thoughts: I think God is a good hero.
