Less of Me, More of You

I’m so over trying to fundraise myself, God has to do it, it’s too overwhelming. You might be thinking, “well duh, of course God has to raise it for you, that’s a crap ton of money!” And I knew this in my head, but I didn’t actually do it. It’s a lot harder than you think! Well it was a lot harder than I thought anyways. I have to literally make myself tell God every day, multiple times a day to take the anxiety away. And as happy as I am for my other teammates who have almost everything, seriously it’s so cool to see God blessing them, I can’t help but feel the anxiety and pin of jealousy that I’m so much farther away than the rest of them.

I feel bad for feeling that way but I’m sorry that’s just my feelings! Haha

But this past weekend, God came so near to me it was amazing. I went on my women’s bible study retreat, it was the most refreshing thing I have experienced in months. I have been so sick and tired of my crazy life, I even kept telling God, I’m so tired of being tired! Don’t you ever feel like that? Shoot. Well if you haven’t, I would question whether or not you’re a robot.

And the awesome thing about God is that HE KNOWS we are going to feel this way, and maybe we don’t feel like doing things we know we should or we screw up. God knows these things will happen and just wants us to give it to him and tell him! He can take it! He’s God for pete’s sake, we can’t put him in a box and think he’s not big enough to handle our problems. The mistake I make sometimes and I think many us do too is, we’re afraid of feeling this way, like it’s not allowed or something, and we feel guilty for these things so we don’t tell God and try and fix it ourselves. Why do I do this? Why do I put this weight on myself when I can just tell God how I’m feeling or how I screwed up? Because God’s grace is there before I even make a move. And God can fix things a whole lot better than I can.

Anyway God totally took my fundraising anxiety away from me which has been such an amazing blessing. So yes, God is going to provide the money. Yes, it’s scary, but that is what’s building my faith more and more. Yes, God is so good.

Faith is acting as though what God says is true. My faith now is knowing and acting as though God is going to provide.

God has refreshed a burning desire for Him in my heart and I love it! The symbol I draw on my wrist every day(above picture) is an amazing reminder to me of ‘less of me, more of God.’ And what an amazing truth of how God doesn’t need me, but wants me! I want God to use be in ways I never thought possible.

Oh God, let it be true of my heart, to want you more! To never be satisfied with where I am with you, burn this desire in my heart God. I want less of me, less of my sinful, awful self, and give me more of You, your love and patience and holiness and wisdom! Make me whole in you! Break my heart for what breaks yours! Thank you for everything you have done for me God, it’s hard to even put it into words. You have done so so much and I am so grateful, let me never take for granted what you have done and will do and let my life point to you every second of every day. I love you God.

Our lives were meant for something more, something great. That’s God.

Psalms 63 – My Soul Thirsts for You
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
    my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
² So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
    beholding your power and glory.
³ Because your steadfast love is better than life,
    my lips will praise you.
⁴ So I will bless you as long as I live;
    in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
    and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
⁶ when I remember you upon my bed,
    and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
⁷ for you have been my help,
    and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
⁸ My soul clings to you;
    your right hand upholds me.
⁹ But those who seek to destroy my life
    shall go down into the depths of the earth;
¹⁰ they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
    they shall be a portion for jackals.
¹¹ But the king shall rejoice in God;
    all who swear by him shall exult,
    for the mouths of liars will be stopped.