Sweat beads down my temple, and the earthy smell of dirt fills my lungs as I inhale. Inside, my soul stirs restlessly and it takes everything in me not to throw down the shovel and walk away.
“I do not want to do this today.”
Voices of direction that Brene Brown calls gremlins, tell me to just quit.
” Shoveling dirt isn’t really helping anyway….what is the point?”
I keep digging…. The restlessness amplifying.
The negativity continues speaking.
” Today was supposed to be your off day.”
” Look how weak you are. You should be ‘Choosing In’ and ‘Choosing Joy’… You are a Christian Right? This should be easy for you. After all, you preach it all the time.”
” Everyone else is smiling. No one else is complaining. Everyone else is making the best of it. Looks like you can’t be a leader, after all. A leader would be encouraging others right now.”
It goes on and on. The frustration swells so much that I feel like I might scream.
Tears fight their way to my ducts and start to burn as they wrestle their way out.
Negative words and comments escape from my mouth, grasping their next victim. Negativity is like a cancer, and I am perpetuating the problem.
Overcome with irritation, I mentally check out. I sit down and sift through the podcasts previously downloaded for moments like these.
Brene Brown’s “Shame” TEDtalk makes it way through the earbuds that I’ve tucked into my ears. Their job has shifted from plugging in the darkness to amplifying the truth.
Lessons on risk and what it is to truly live a ” whole hearted” life wrestles with my current state of mind, and pervades my spirit with peace.
I am not alone.
This is a bad day, not a bad life.
