“I love you.
I love you.
I love you.”
What if God said this to you? What if the Creator of the entire world told you that HE loved you? How would that make you feel?
At the start of the week, a girl on my team, Samantha, felt called to three days of silence, to three days of listening to the voice of God and just observing the team. On the fourth day, at breakfast, she shared with us what she felt God was saying about each one of us, what she saw or heard God calling her to say. She said that up until the last night, I was the only one she had a word from the Lord about. Oh no. Was that good or was that bad? I felt really nervous before she came to me. I wanted to puke and leave the room. I have no clue why. I was just so afraid it would be bad, so afraid she had seen something in me that was awful or totally annoying. Well, when she got to me, she hit so many things right on the head, things I had been feeling inside and insecurities that still bog me down. She also said that she had a letter, a letter that she did not even know what it said. What? How could she not know what it said if she had written it? She said that while at the mall on our free day, God had just given her words to say, words to write to me. She said she was just the scribe, bringing this message to me. Okay, well now I was REALLY antsy and had to read what it said. And, I was astounded that of the six of us, I was the one that had a written letter from my Lord and my God. Why me? Is this how the Bible was written? Is this how God spoke directly through man to get his message across? Did they too only act as a scribe?
The crazy thing was, two nights before, I had been praying that someone on my team would have a dream or vision or some prophetic word from the Lord to give me. I just wanted to really have assurance on how God feels about me, wisdom with what to do with the talents I have, and a newsflash as to what I need to work on or change. We had been hearing SO much about spiritual gifts, such as tongues, and on the power of the Holy Spirit. At the home where we are staying, the focus is HUGE on the Holy Spirit. I come from a church that focuses on the truth of the word. I know you need to worship in spirit AND in truth, but the focus on the Spirit was leaving me confused in so many areas. If I didn’t have some sort of experience where I felt the Holy Spirit come inside of me or speak these tongues or dance around all crazy, did I really have the Holy Spirit within me? The thing is, I KNOW I made a decision to follow Christ. I KNOW I am convicted of things, drawn towards particular actions I should do, and able to understand the word. I know I WANT to go where Jesus leads, even if it is may be REALLY HARD sometimes, but so many of these discussions and sermons were making me doubt if I truly had security. I needed assurance in some form, and I didn’t know how it was going to come.
I love you.
I love you.”
What if God said this to you? What if the Creator of the entire world told you that HE loved you? How would that make you feel?
At the start of the week, a girl on my team, Samantha, felt called to three days of silence, to three days of listening to the voice of God and just observing the team. On the fourth day, at breakfast, she shared with us what she felt God was saying about each one of us, what she saw or heard God calling her to say. She said that up until the last night, I was the only one she had a word from the Lord about. Oh no. Was that good or was that bad? I felt really nervous before she came to me. I wanted to puke and leave the room. I have no clue why. I was just so afraid it would be bad, so afraid she had seen something in me that was awful or totally annoying. Well, when she got to me, she hit so many things right on the head, things I had been feeling inside and insecurities that still bog me down. She also said that she had a letter, a letter that she did not even know what it said. What? How could she not know what it said if she had written it? She said that while at the mall on our free day, God had just given her words to say, words to write to me. She said she was just the scribe, bringing this message to me. Okay, well now I was REALLY antsy and had to read what it said. And, I was astounded that of the six of us, I was the one that had a written letter from my Lord and my God. Why me? Is this how the Bible was written? Is this how God spoke directly through man to get his message across? Did they too only act as a scribe?
The crazy thing was, two nights before, I had been praying that someone on my team would have a dream or vision or some prophetic word from the Lord to give me. I just wanted to really have assurance on how God feels about me, wisdom with what to do with the talents I have, and a newsflash as to what I need to work on or change. We had been hearing SO much about spiritual gifts, such as tongues, and on the power of the Holy Spirit. At the home where we are staying, the focus is HUGE on the Holy Spirit. I come from a church that focuses on the truth of the word. I know you need to worship in spirit AND in truth, but the focus on the Spirit was leaving me confused in so many areas. If I didn’t have some sort of experience where I felt the Holy Spirit come inside of me or speak these tongues or dance around all crazy, did I really have the Holy Spirit within me? The thing is, I KNOW I made a decision to follow Christ. I KNOW I am convicted of things, drawn towards particular actions I should do, and able to understand the word. I know I WANT to go where Jesus leads, even if it is may be REALLY HARD sometimes, but so many of these discussions and sermons were making me doubt if I truly had security. I needed assurance in some form, and I didn’t know how it was going to come.
When I opened the letter, here is what I read:
“”This is a letter God put on my heart to write to you. These are HIS words, not mine. I’m just the scribe.”
“My beautiful daughter Jenny,
Do you know how much I love you? Do you really understand the depth of my love? You are filled with knowledge. You have the gift of a good memory- that came from me. You know the law. You know my truths, but you do not always believe me. Jenny, I want you to really believe in me. I want an intimate relationship with you. I want you to really know me.
I long for you, Jenny. I want to just hang out with you. You are my daughter. You are my favorite! When you feel like you do not measure up, my heart hurts for you. I have made you very special. I have GOOD plans for you. I will show you and teach you things that you cannot even imagine. In order for me to do this, you must spend intimate time with you. You must believe in your heart that I can and will use you. You must believe that I want to break the strongholds you have. I want to set you FREE! I want you to walk in MY FREEDOM!
Jenny dear, I love you. Believe me; I love you. I only want what is best for you.
Release your fears. They do not come from me. TRUST me with you life. I want all of you- every part. Please Jenny, surrender all of your fears, your doubts, your strongholds, your control.
LET ME LOVE YOU.
I desire nothing more than your love and devotion. Spend time with me. Spend quality time with me. I long for you, Jenny. I am waiting for you. Come to me, my daughter.
I love you more than you can imagine.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Your DaddyYour Papa
Your God.””
WOW. I think I reread this like a dozen times right then and there. At first I was like, wait, is He saying I don’t have a relationship with Him or something? I overanalyze EVERYTHING. But then, I saw all the places where it said “my daughter.” I AM a child of God. I do not need to be afraid or scared or so stressed out. I just need to draw near to him. I need to STOP looking for love from those around me, those at home, and those that will not return it. I shouldn’t NEED their affection. I only need HIS. It is so hard though. It is hard at the times I feel like the third wheel, at the times when my feelings of being excluded lead me to feel down or almost jealous. It is hard to watch the married couple on my team have so much love for each other and worry that I may never have that. It is also even harder when I feel I don’t measure up. I have so many perfectionist tendencies and I don’t want to do anything wrong or make anyone mad, and when I do, it tears me apart. But, I CANNOT keep trying to be this perfect person. God wants to free me from that, to free me from feeling like I have to have all the answers, like I have to have the approval of those around me time after time. I thought I had already learned this lesson, but deep inside, I still feel like if I am not the one who is in the best shape, the one with the best ideas, or the one with all the answers, I am not good enough.
The timing of the letter was crazy. To give you even more insight into the timing of it- into the timing of how everything seemed to be coming together- the week before Samantha had the inspiration to write the letter, I had given my testimony to a small church group on how I was learning to give my fears to God and give Him control of the various aspects of my life. I had also been involved in a drama where I basically had a four paragraph monologue on how those I loved never fully loved me back. Those I loved either left me, only loved me when I performed at the top of my game, or didn’t follow through on their promises to love me. It was all about me looking for love but NEVER being good enough or pretty enough or worthy enough. And it ended with the girl, me, meeting Jesus and questioning him on what will happen when she just doesn’t measure up with Him, on what will happen when He, just like everyone else, decides she isn’t good enough. She finally runs into his arms, amidst all the questions, and as Jesus fully embraces her, she sings through the tears, “Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.”
Not only was the timing of the letter crazy, but it is crazy it was a LETTER. We took a quiz to see what our love language was last month, and lo and behold, mine was words of affirmation. I LOVE when people send me letters or a message, and I love to send messages to others as well. I will save any letter I ever receive and treasure it and reread it several times. Words really hit me. Words can either break me, or they can really encourage me. Out of all the people on my team, I know I am probably most touched by a letter, so it is crazy she had the letter for me.
Now, I don’t write this to make myself look good or bad or be like, look how lucky I am to receive such a letter. I am typing it up so YOU TOO can be encouraged, so YOU TOO can see that God works in mighty ways and cares so very much about you. He wants to be “Your Father, Your Papa, Your Daddy.” He wants to be FIRST in your heart, your TRUEST love. STOP searching for love from others. STOP living to please anyone other than God. The love of others will never satisfy, but God’s love ALWAYS will. He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Let Him romance you. Let Him surprise you and bring you to a place of contentment and joy that can only be found in Him.
Last night, we had dinner with a wonderful Indian family. After dancing with the children, praying over different people, and dining on a spicy, yummy dish, it was time to go. The 14 year old son gave shook my hand as we left, a big smile on his face, and as he turned with somewhat of a blush, he said, “You are very beautiful.” Then, as we drove away, he was down the road waiting for us to pass, and as we did, he looked at me and blew me a kiss. That may sound silly, but to me, it was as if God himself was saying, “You are very beautiful” and as if he was blowing me a kiss from Heaven.
Jesus loves me, this I know.
And this time, I am starting to realize it is more than just the Bible that tells me so.
The timing of the letter was crazy. To give you even more insight into the timing of it- into the timing of how everything seemed to be coming together- the week before Samantha had the inspiration to write the letter, I had given my testimony to a small church group on how I was learning to give my fears to God and give Him control of the various aspects of my life. I had also been involved in a drama where I basically had a four paragraph monologue on how those I loved never fully loved me back. Those I loved either left me, only loved me when I performed at the top of my game, or didn’t follow through on their promises to love me. It was all about me looking for love but NEVER being good enough or pretty enough or worthy enough. And it ended with the girl, me, meeting Jesus and questioning him on what will happen when she just doesn’t measure up with Him, on what will happen when He, just like everyone else, decides she isn’t good enough. She finally runs into his arms, amidst all the questions, and as Jesus fully embraces her, she sings through the tears, “Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.”
Not only was the timing of the letter crazy, but it is crazy it was a LETTER. We took a quiz to see what our love language was last month, and lo and behold, mine was words of affirmation. I LOVE when people send me letters or a message, and I love to send messages to others as well. I will save any letter I ever receive and treasure it and reread it several times. Words really hit me. Words can either break me, or they can really encourage me. Out of all the people on my team, I know I am probably most touched by a letter, so it is crazy she had the letter for me.
Now, I don’t write this to make myself look good or bad or be like, look how lucky I am to receive such a letter. I am typing it up so YOU TOO can be encouraged, so YOU TOO can see that God works in mighty ways and cares so very much about you. He wants to be “Your Father, Your Papa, Your Daddy.” He wants to be FIRST in your heart, your TRUEST love. STOP searching for love from others. STOP living to please anyone other than God. The love of others will never satisfy, but God’s love ALWAYS will. He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. Let Him romance you. Let Him surprise you and bring you to a place of contentment and joy that can only be found in Him.
Last night, we had dinner with a wonderful Indian family. After dancing with the children, praying over different people, and dining on a spicy, yummy dish, it was time to go. The 14 year old son gave shook my hand as we left, a big smile on his face, and as he turned with somewhat of a blush, he said, “You are very beautiful.” Then, as we drove away, he was down the road waiting for us to pass, and as we did, he looked at me and blew me a kiss. That may sound silly, but to me, it was as if God himself was saying, “You are very beautiful” and as if he was blowing me a kiss from Heaven.
Jesus loves me, this I know.
And this time, I am starting to realize it is more than just the Bible that tells me so.
