It’s time for the next installment of how God is wrecking me! We’ve been in Mozambique since the beginning of August. One of the first weeks we got dropped off in the middle of the bush to camp with these orphans. Our contacts are the ones who “built” the orphanage, which is basically just a big green army tent! Anyway, I always thought this was the perfect setting for me, but it turned out to be more frustrating than I ever thought it would be.
They only spoke an African language or Portuguese, and without an interpreter, it made it so hard. It definitely challenged once again my idea of ministry and what it looks like to be effective for God. I think it’s safe to say that I have no idea yet, but it’s bound to be one of those paradoxes that the Lord is great at! Just when I think I have it all figured out, He does something to shatter what I thought I knew. I realize that if I just asked Him in the first place what He wants of me instead of charging forward ready to work, things would go a lot smoother and there would be less wasted time. God is asking me, asking all of us, to Be for Him, not DO for Him. If I remain in Him, He promises in His word to remain in me, and that’s all I need to ever bring change to this world. It’s the Him in me, not the me in me. Easier said than done when you have 20 orphans around you and nothing to do but hug them and not judge yourself for the inactivity.
Also, I got nailed by God on my habit of hording. The first day we got there, we played with the kids and set up our tents. After I unpacked, I picked up my Bible and just flipped to any passage. I ended up in 2 Corinthians chapter 8. It was talking all about living generously. I nodded and told the Lord I thought that was good to put in the Bible. Then He tapped me on my shoulder and brought my attention to the plastic bag in the corner of my tent, full of food. I had been buying little snacks here and there and hording them, for that occasion where I desperately needed food. Of course those times never came, so I had been toting around this emergency food bag just in case it happened later. I tried to shrug Him off when He prodded me further. After some rationalizing, I decided I would give up 85% of the food, but surely He didn’t mean the banana chips I just bought! I had been waiting for an especially special moment to whip those out! When I mentioned this to Him, He reminded me of Ananias and Saphira in the Bible, and that was the end of the discussion!
It’s amazing how free I felt immediately after! I know it sounds silly, but I had been burdened by this bag of food. What the Lord continued to talk to me about throughout that week was the trust issue that was wrapped up in that food. At first I just thought the Lord was testing my obedience and generosity, but it turns out there was much more at the root of it all.
I had to come to the shameful realization that I don’t fully trust God to be my Provider. I have yet to go hungry or even to miss a meal on this trip, yet I had been preparing for just such a situation where we as a team couldn’t get food and I could resort to my stash. But it isn’t the team who provides for me, but the Lord providing for us all. In the back of my mind, I was becoming my own saviour, ready to take care of myself when the going got hard. I also realized my attachment to comfort that I never thought was there to that extent. It was certainly an eye-opener. So, the Lord got my banana chips as an offering, and I got the burden of taking care of myself lifted off of my shoulders and replaced with the call to fall back into my Daddy’s arms. I know that He not only provides my everyday needs, but He is always working behind the scenes in my life to set up His perfect plan in my life.
