I was in the car this morning, about to start the last day of what has been three straight weeks of kids camps here in South Africa. The only thought in my head was “I have nothing left to give.” I wanted to lock myself in the car, turn on worship music, and fall asleep until it was all over…isn’t that awful? The thing is, three weeks wore me out! I have been with the preschool aged kids for the last week, and although they are the cutest things on two legs, they run me ragged! I don’t know, I just felt drained of love and that I would be better off staying in the care then attempting to love those little ones with forced love. I would love to say that at that moment, I had a revelation of God’s love or was supernaturally filled with joy and energy. No such luck. I simply got out of the car and muttered under my breath, “Jesus, I need you today.”
Right when I saw the kids, God took over. I was still tired and a bit out of it, but He started to love them through me, and that’s where the energy came from. I had asked Him for the one….the one child that He wanted to love through me, because I could only handle one more. He answered with a sweet little 2 year old named Qudilo. She is normally spunky and alert, but today she was in a quiet mood and wanted to be cuddled. As I sat there with her in my arms, my head resting on hers, I realized yet again what a genius God is. He knew what I needed as a recharge, and He gave it to me in the form of a sweet little girl. My prayer while holding her was that Jesus would be the one holding her, not me. Even then I felt so incapable of giving her what she needed, but God just let me know that holding her was all I needed to give. My effectiveness was narrowed down to my ability to hold a 2 year old, and I loved every minute of it! I think Qudilo ministered more to me than I did to her, but either way, God touched us both and I finished out the last three weeks with a smile.
Our team is heading to Swaziland tomorrow for th next ten days to work with a project called G-42. I will give details and updates in my next blog, which won’t be for awhile since we won’t have electricity there! I’ll write when I can, and the blog will be written by a 23 year old, no the 22 year old who write to you now! Until then…
