Ok, so I’ve narrowed down what God is currently doing in my life to this question…is Jesus a weed smoker or a highway patrolman? Seems easy enough right?…one or the other. Here’s how I got to these two options:
We all have mindsets about God. Mine have always swung on a pedulum from one view to the other, both extremes, both opposites of each other.
Weed Smoker: The new thing in the past decade for Christians, especially encouraged in most churches, is to view God as your friend. Nothing wrong with that…it’s a whole new way to connect with Him and know you’re being heard. After all, He’s your buddy, your pal, the one you go to when you just want to talk and hang out. And there in lies the danger. I admit to being the biggest buyer in this commercial campaign of “Jesus, your new best friend”. Only, I think I took it to a very unhealthy extreme, and He became my weed smoker friend!
Here’s an example of my mindset of this kind of Jesus: We’re laying on the tailgate of my truck by a lake, looking at the stars. The conversation comes easy and the topic changes to the idea of what real truth is. I look over at Jesus and wonder what wisdom He’ll impart. He has His hands behind His head, eyes half closed. He shrugs and says “You, know…Me. I’m truth. Just believe in Me and everything will be cool.” I try again, this time with a more direct question. “Well, what about my life, Lord…are you happy with it? You know, is there anything I need to work on? Any sin that I need to try harder to avoid?” I look over, watching His eyebrows furrow as He thinks. He lazily rubs His eyes and says, “Nah. You’re doing pretty good. Just pray and stuff. Talk to me, tell me your problems, and I’ll take care of ’em. Don’t let them weigh you down. Just have a good time, man.” I lay back and let out a sigh, not of relief, but confusion. If God just let me off the hook, why am I still uneasy? But hey, at least I have someone to hang out with now.
Highway Patrolman: Ah, the ever popular Fire and Brimstone God. The one with the lightning bolts in hand, ready to strike on unsuspecting Christians who aren’t praying reverently enough or evangelizing with tracts on the street, or forcing themselves to smile at the people who annoy them. He’s the last person I want to tell when I’ve slipped up again. I know His reaction will be one of anger and frustration. I will walk away feeling depressed, unworthy, and judged guilty after every “meeting” with Him. That’s what they become, meetings between me and God, where I tiptoe up to Him, head bowed in shame and feeling like I’m caught red-handed. He’ll either shake His head in disgust at my weakness or get angry and say I’m presuming on His grace and not taking sin seriously enough.
It goes a little something like this: I’m driving down the road, singing along to the radio, when I see police car lights in my rearview mirror. Surely, they’re not coming for me…but they are. I slow down and pull over. Jesus, in a highway patrol outfit sidles up to my window, clearly not impressed. I look up at Him and ask “Hey Lord…what seems to be the problem?” He lowers His glasses down His nose and peers over them at me with a condescending look. “I think you know.” I only know I’ve blown it somehow, so I take a guess at the one thing that has gotten me tickets in the past…speeding. “Yes”, He says. “I clocked you going 68 in a 65 mph zone.” Whew…I thought it was something major. Three mph over can’t warrant a ticket, right? “License and registration please” He barks down at me, irritated that I’m taking up His time. “Wait, don’t you only get a ticket if you’re going like 10 mph over…how bad is three miles over the limit?” He seems shocked that I would even ask. He proceeds to let me know the damage I could inflict on myslef and others at such a speed. Towards the end of the lecture, I think He even mentions that I was singing along to secular music. He writes me a ticket and tells me to slow down next time and He won’t have to do this. Then He says it’s for my own good, and I should be thankful…another cop would have given me a bigger fine. He’s letting me off easy. Funny, none of that seemed easy.
This is not the Lord I serve…neither one of these depictions. Entertaining, maybe, but not true. I know this, but to be honest, I still get tripped up by them quite often. I make God out to be my friend who doesn’t really discipline me beacsue He’s just happy I’m trying to live right. There’s no conviction, because friends don’t tell you what you need to change. I feel a certain level of relationship, but there’s no growth and definitely no fear of the Lord in my life when I see Him like this. I talk to Him like a friend and forget to remember His holiness and the fact that He calls me to holiness too.
When I realize I have fallen into this mindset, I shake myself and send the pendulum swinging to the other side, where my life is rules and regulations. If I fall at all, He is right there to write the ticket and show no mercy. It all depends on me doing the right thing and paying attention to every little thing I do until I feel like I’m suffocating under the law. There is no relationship there between me and Jesus, just a confession booth where I get my hand slapped and keep going.
There is a balance beam in the middle of these two extremes that I desperately want to land on in my mind. It’s the way of viewing Jesus the way He wants me to. The God who is there to hear my every prayer and catch me when I fall, all the while with love in His eyes. That love makes me want to be holy for Him and walk pure in His sight. How could I not…He’s so amazing and has saved me from so much already. I owe Him my life, and tell Him so daily as we walk together. That’s where I’m at right now…just trying to stay in that place and not wander off the balance beam. My views of God have always been attacked by the enemy, but Jesus is holding my hand and together we’re chipping away at the lies.
