I’m sitting in Panera on a day of solitude, working through how to express how I am feeling, trying to find peace and my Father’s voice speaking to me. As I write I am listening to Jason Upton who has been a wonderful place for me to worship and focus on God this year. As I found myself pouring out a broken heart before God, explaining how inadequate I feel and how I wish I could overcome these “ghosts” that I feel creeping up on me again a song began to play. It is a song entitled He Had to Have You. Jason, a prophetic musician, begins to call out a breaking off of bondage like “you aren’t going to do anything,” and “you aren’t good enough.” Then he reminds me that Jesus came to the world to suffer and die, even though He didn’t have to because He had to have me. Then the next line called me out, in the middle of the restaurant, not caring who saw my reaction. He spoke audibly to me through Jason and said this: “I’m not giving up, I’ll give everything I’ve got because I’ve got to have them. I’ve got to have Jennifer.” No lie, I had just finished typing a cry for the Lord to speak, to make Himself known to me, to remind me that He sees me in Great Falls too. To remind me that His timing is perfect and all the questions will be answered in the right time.
God you are too good to Your children. Thank you for the love and peace in spite of a lack of answers. Thanks for the audible, do You know Your kids or what?! Thanks for the family you have brought me back to and the new one You formed this past year. Thank you for the heart You have placed in me. And, then thank you for the patience to wait and trust that You have it all under control, so much so that you would give Jason Upton a song, who knows how long ago, so that You could remind me of Your love for me today when I needed to be reminded.
