I’m not even gonna try to sugar coat this month…it’s been a
struggle. From the lack of freedom and safety that women have to fight against
to the greasy food and Malaria-prone mosquitoes, I’ve fought through this month
kicking and screaming.
Now I could go on and on about all of the things that have
gone wrong over the past 3 week, but I’ll refrain for your sake and mine…because
God knows I’ve done my fair share of complaining already! So moving on from
that…
For the past week, we’ve gotten up at 4:30 every morning,
walked 1.5 miles to church and spent 2 hours in intercessory prayer. Then at 7,
we hike back to the house for another 1.5 miles. If we’re lucky, we get to
sleep from 8 to 10…most times, we get woken up by someone for something crazy…something
that can wait. Now, if you know me (mom and dad – you’re welcome to LOL), you
know that I am NOT a morning person. This week of prayer from 5 stinkin’ AM to
7 AM has been killer on me and my attitude…as if it wasn’t bad before this
week.
To add to it, they asked me to help cook cinnamon rolls this
morning…and I got asked last night…and had to find a recipe on the internet
that takes 5 minutes to load 1 page! So I didn’t get to bed at a decent time to
even get a good amount of sleep. This morning on the way back to the house, I
put my ear buds in my ears, turned the volume WAY up, put my hood on and
started booking it back to the house. My main goal was to get there as fast as
possible, have 20 minutes of “alone” time walking with 8 other people, and not
snap at anyone in the process.
As I walked along with Taylor, I began to hear whistling.
Honestly, I had a feeling the people behind us wanted something, but I ignored
it because I just wanted to be alone…I don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful
for my own, quiet time until this month! I kept hearing the whistling as I
walked, but I didn’t wanna turn around because I continued fighting it in my
mind…”this sucks, I don’t wanna talk to you…or wait for you…just leave me alone…let
me have 5 stinkin’ minutes…”
I’m not sure why, but Taylor turned around in a circle at
the perfect moment. When he did, he jumped to the side of the path and yelled out,
“Whoa!” So at this point, I realized that there was a legitimate reason for
them trying to get our attention…a stampede of about 9 cattle running in our
direction along the path. I screamed and jumped out of the way just as they
passed.
For some reason, it was exactly what I needed to liven up my
day and snap me out of my little funk I was in. I couldn’t help but laugh. How
crazy would it be to be stuck in the middle of a cattle stampede…and DIE…just
because I didn’t wanna listen to the warning of others!
So I took advantage of the opportunity…
And I ran with the cattle!
Well, only for about 50 feet. But it was fun, nonetheless.
In all reality, out of the last 3 weeks in Kenya, it has
taken its place as my favorite moment here. For a minute, I could return to
just being a kid and enjoying things without feeling held back by my own
emotions or comforts. I left myself and went running with the cows!
As I slowed down to a walk again, I began to take notice of
the cows themselves. There were 2 that stayed next to each other with every
step. It was a momma cow and her calf. With every step she took, her calf
stayed by her side, not loosing contact with her side for even a moment. Over
each hill and every rock, her calf stayed by her side and didn’t look any other
way besides where the momma cow was going.
And it hit me…that’s what God does with us. He never leaves
our side. He’s constantly aware that we stand right next to Him or that we don’t.
As we walk through the dusty hills and the rocky pathways of life, He asks us
to stay with Him. Just like the momma cow, He knows where He’s going and He
desires for us to stay by His side. It’s our choice as the “calf” to trust and
listen to Him or go off on our own and find our own way.
This month has been that picture for me. We live in the
dustiest place I’ve ever seen and my spiritual life has seemed so dry here.
With spiritual attacks, sicknesses, and discomforts, I keep hitting rocks and
getting stuck along the path.
But God says to me…
“Stay by my side,
walk with me,
and I’ll show you the way.
I’ll teach you how to get over the rocks in the paths
and I’ll show you how to push through the dusty air.
I’ll lead you to green pastures
And show you where to rest and relax.”
Over the past 2 days, I’ve been
seeking God out. I’ve struggled with so much prayer lately because we’re
constantly being asked to pray for “stuff.” Money and land and healing and…you
get the point. It occurred to me yesterday as I talked to my team leader that I
just miss God. Forget all the worldly crap! I just want Jesus. I want His
heart. I want to seek Him…I’m sick of looking at His hands for all the answers
to everyone’s problems. We need to look at Him…at His heart. In my past
experience, when I have His heart, everything else just kind of happens.
Granted, I don’t think it’s bad to ask for things…especially when healing is
truly needed and when people are suffering financially. I’ve done it so many
times in my own life! But I believe that we have to seek God before we seek His
hands and what He can give us.
So, just like the cows, if we seek
Him out…He’ll walk with us. He’ll lead us through and give us what we need to
get where we’re going. But I need to seek Him. I need to walk with Him.
It’s been a good reminder and an
amazing blessing from God to see His heart in the most random moment. I’ve
found God in the least likeliest places in Africa. How gracious is God that He
would meet me on a path at 7 AM with the worst attitude ever, speak to me
through a cattle drive, AND reveal His heart to me in the process!
