I’m sitting in the bottom level of our home in Thailand, which is known as the cave. Slowly the night disappears as I once again find myself awake in prayer. It is 6:00am and I have yet to fall asleep. Morning has come. Yet in the silence of the darkness, GOD speaks as clearly as the writing on the wall. For as I sit in my chair, my eyes are drawn to the scripture that is literally painted on the wall next to me.
2 Corinthians 5:15
And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
“No longer live for themselves”, five words that speak so much truth. This month I’ve really been seeking life lived as a servant, to be last, to be broken of self. I’ve had many sleepless nights spent in prayer for individuals GOD has placed on my heart and I praise HIM that HE has provided the energy and endurance to press on.
Just the other day, GOD brought me to a level of awareness beyond myself, if only for a moment. I was tired, and for once this month, I was hungry, but GOD called me to serve. HE took me past me and what I was feeling, my focus on self, to an awareness of the needs of those around me. Nothing was about me, not one thought or feeling. I was just aware of others’ needs. As several sisters approached me one after another to share their hearts or to ask for prayer, GOD called me to serve. And that is what I desired to do. I desired it more than sleep. I desired it more than food. I desired to just serve HIM, to be used by HIM. And it was an incredible moment in which I walked the day out in praise to HIM.
But even through all of this, I still don’t grasp servant hood completely as I continue to neglect to share what I have with my sisters. I still put my needs and wants above others. I continue walking in selfish ways. But praise GOD for HIS grace and mercy that cover me, so that little by little, I learn more about being a servant for HIM and truly denying self, beyond just what I am “comfortable” surrendering, but all of me.
