to so much here at training camp!
It is day six here at training camp and I have already said no so many times. Yes, the people pleaser in me said no! I said no to the lies I held onto! I said no to the masks I hid behind. I said no to the pain I used as excuses for feeling unworthy. I said no to all that tried to block out God’s ACCEPTANCE of me, of my heart!
And I laid it at the cross!…Literally and eternally!
I sat in the middle of a trail, praying, asking God to show me who I still need to forgive. Wondering what else needs to be healed. As I looked around I saw this beatiful green tree and in the middle was a group of leaves, dead, and decaying. And I related to it! I related to this dead mess that is buried beneathe growth and I knew I needed to let go. I heard God asking for it. Why have I clung to something so disgusting, fighting with God who desperately tried to take it away? Do I find security in it? Do I know how to let it go? How does one let go of rejection, unworthiness, shame, when they have been holding on to it for years, with such a tight grasp? How does one get past the fear of truly being seen?
You must lay it at the cross! Give it to God who wants to take it all away! Who wants to take it and fill you with His love, acceptance, approval, and power!
I knew then, it was time to actually forgive myself. I needed to release my grasp of this that I have held on to. I was ready, ready to walk in freedom, ready to be stripped of all I used to find identity and discover my identiy in Christ! As I laid it down, my balance was gone and I needed to lean on God. My load was lighter! And I was filled, finally beginning to see the woman God created me to be. Open to all He wants to do with me.
I will continue saying no to all the lies telling me I am not good enough, telling me I am not worthy of love, telling me I can’t go on, and I lay them at the cross. I say no to the doubts and YES to the God who calls me His child!
Welcome to training camp…And it is only the beginning…
