Giving

This is a journal
entry I wrote recently about giving; it’s something the Lord has been speaking
to me about for the last few months so I thought I would share. (I went back
through and added some scripture references as well…) I pray that the Lord would
begin challenging you in the same ways He’s been challenging me.

Dear Jesus,

You’ve been speaking to me a lot about GIVING, giving
joyfully, out of a posture of LOVE, and with ALL I have. Aye, I’m being challenged. Do I truly have faith that you will
provide ALL my needs? That you will clothe me like the lilies of the field and
provide my food like the birds of the air (Matthew 6:25-32)? In reality, what
are my “needs�? What are my actual necessities in life versus my wants, my
comforts, my desires? What does this
even look like?

Am I even open to hearing you speak to me about giving? Or
do I have pre-conceived notions of how “free hand-outs� hinder more than they
help and how I can’t help everyone? Are these thoughts just a cop-out to make
myself feel better/ an excuse to not do anything? I know I can’t help everyone…
but I also know You put me in certain situations for specific reasons. Sometimes
I feel like I need to seriously pray and seek You out before giving to a
specific person, organization, ministry, etc. But did the Good Samaritan have to pray for a week to discern whether
the Lord was telling him to help the man who had been robbed or did he
already know what to do because Jesus has already told us in His word (Luke
10:30-37)? Jesus’ greatest commands are these: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and
with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: Love your neighbor
as yourself’� (Matthew 22:36-39).

My neighbor is a man on the street who has just been robbed.
My neighbor is a single mom in Honduras who doesn’t have money to feed her
family. My neighbor is anyone God puts in my way who has a need that I can
meet. Am I truly loving my neighbors? Am
I truly living a life of faith?

In what ways am I just like the rich young ruler in Luke
18:18-30? The mere fact that I’m from America means that I’m in the top 1% of
the world’s wealth. By the world’s
standards, I am rich. And according to God’s word, “It is easier for a
camel to go through the eye of a needle than for [me – a rich (wo)man] to enter
the kingdom of God� (Luke 18:25). Praise the Lord that, “What is impossible with men is possible with God� (Luke 18:27),
but it still is ridiculously challenging to consider.

Am I motivated to give out of LOVE – knowing YOUR love for
me first and then freely loving others with ALL of me – time, talent, AND FINANCES? Or have I succumbed to thinking I’ve
already “given enough� because I’m a missionary and on The World Race? Can I
ever give “enough�? It doesn’t seem like God ever stops giving, so I probably
shouldn’t either.

Do I find JOY in giving? Do I really believe it’s not only
good for the people receiving, but that it’s the best for me as well? Am I
truly storing up treasures in heaven and
not on earth (Matthew 6:19-24)? Or am I hoarding resources for a rainy day just
“in case� God doesn’t provide? Am I simply a microcosm of the greed and
selfishness that is rampant around the world and the root cause of poverty
today? Ah, forgive me, Lord! Let me trust you more!

Do I have to pray for weeks about whether Jesus is telling
me to give to someone (because doing the will
of the Father is key – obedience – doing nothing apart from what He’s
doing: John 5:19, John 12:49-50, and Matthew 7:21-23), or do I just GIVE because Jesus has already said it
in His WORD – time and time again. “Freely you
have received, freely give� (Matthew 10:8).

Do I do this? This is a command, and Jesus says that those
who love Him do what He commands (John 15:12-14). I want to take a long, hard
look at Jesus’ life and DO what He says,
not just speak it with my words. “Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by
action, is dead� (James 2:17). The works cannot come first; Jesus must first
transform our hearts through faith… and then our desires should become the same
as the Lord’s. Jesus brings us from death into LIFE. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW CREATION; the old has gone, the
new has come!� (2 Corin. 5:17). Faith in Christ transforms our hearts. Works
naturally follow. We are saved by grace, through faith in Christ, so that no
one should boast (Romans 3:21-31). It is not of us – but the Lord at work
through us, transforming our hearts, desires, and lives, and using us as tools
for Him in this world. That is, if we
allow ourselves to be transformed and used.

Jesus’ command is pretty clear: he doesn’t want lukewarm
followers. In fact, He says He will spit them out of His mouth (Revelation
3:15-16). Instead, He says that, “‘If anyone would come after me, he must
deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to
save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.
What good it is for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his
very self?’� (Luke 9:23-25). (Matthew 10:37-39 and Luke 9:57-62 speak
about the cost of discipleship as well.) Jesus clearly states that anyone who
does not give up everything to
follow Him cannot be His disciple. Nothing else in this world matters if it
doesn’t involve loving God and loving others. My life is fleeting, a mere
vapor. What am I doing in this life to glorify God, advance the kingdom, and
leave an eternal impact? Where is my focus? Are my eyes on Jesus, on eternity?
Or are they on myself, my life, my problems, my future? It is imperative to have an eternal mindset; my eyes need to be on the
King.

I don’t want the motivation for all of this to be fear or
guilt or obligation – that’s no good. It’s not what Jesus wants and in fact, it’s useless. I want it to be out of
LOVE. It NEEDS to be out of love. If
I do all these things (speak in tongues, prophesy, have great faith, give
everything to the poor, etc.) but have not love, I am nothing (1 Corin. 13:1-3). We love because God first loved US,
and because GOD IS LOVE. “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in
God, and God in him… There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out
fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made
perfect in love. We love because He first loved us� (1 John 4:16 and 18-19). Oh Lord, let
me understand your love so I can freely love others with ALL of me!

I want to take a step back to reality; what does this
actually look like? There are so many needs here in Los Pinos (Honduras). The
government is corrupt and it all filters down; they are hoarding money and
therefore government workers and teachers aren’t getting paid, so they don’t
show up for work and therefore the students don’t get educated. How are they
going to have the motivation to change their lives and go to school if their
teachers aren’t even there? Is there any hope for change? It all becomes very
overwhelming when I really start to think about it. God needs to transform the hearts and minds of these people. But I
believe I can help in little ways along the way, and I believe that’s what God
calls us to.

What seems like a huge problem to people here is a simple
fix for me. Thirty dollars to fix the electricity in a mother’s house so she
doesn’t get electrocuted again and so her kids can be safe is a no-brainer to
me… but to her it seems impossible. She
is out of work because the unemployment rate is 55% here, and even in the job
she used to have she worked sweeping streets for three months and the government
only paid her for one. Corruption. She was crying yesterday, sobbing really, as
we went into her house to pray for her arm, shoulders, and back – all of which
are still slightly numb and in pain because of being electrocuted. Thirty dollars. It seems unthinkable
for a single mom living in the slums. But for me it’s a few less trips to
Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts on my off days. Sometimes I think, “Well I deserve
this treat. I’m a missionary and I don’t get out much,� or “I need caffeine to
stay awake for the day,� or whatever. But is that just entitlement? “I deserve this or that.� Let’s be honest, I don’t deserve anything. I deserve death but Christ came to bring
me LIFE (Romans 6:23).

I’m not saying I should never go to Dunkin Donuts… but I
need to take a step back and think about my actions. Every one of them. In what
ways have I succumbed to the American mindset of needing more than I actually
“needâ€� at the expense of others? I don’t always realize it, but my actions make an impact – no matter
how small or insignificant I may think they are. What does it look like to TRULY LOVE others as I love myself? To treat
others the ways I treat myself or the ways I would like to be treated? To bless
others in the same ways I bless myself – and the ways God has blessed me?

Again, am I truly living out my faith? Are saving accounts even Biblical? Did Jesus have one? Or did He
live by faith each and every day, fully receiving ALL His needs from the
Father? Yes, I need to be wise. But
really, am I allowing myself to actually live a life of FAITH? Do I live as
if I believe God exists and truly is the ultimate Provider? Do I NEED
to rely on Him for anything
in my life or am I just trying to take control, play it safe, and have a plan
“in case� He doesn’t show up in the ways I want or expect Him to?

Oh Lord, I need you.
I need you to transform my heart and my desires. I need you to break down walls
in my head – break down pre-conceived notions and prejudices and calculated
thoughts. Do I even allow you to speak, am I open to hear you, or do I already
subconsciously have my mind made up? Let me be
sensitive to your Spirit, Lord. And let me come to all of this from
a place of LOVE. Lord, let me not be judgmental or self-righteous… for I have
so much to learn. I am just beginning this journey. Let me love and encourage
others towards you more. Let me come with a posture of humility, love, and
grace. Let those attributes mark everything I do. God, mold me more into your
likeness. Transform my desires. Give me
your eyes to see and your heart to feel. Break my heart for what breaks yours and move me into action. I
want more of you, Jesus. I need you.
Come be the FIRE inside of me that
never loses its flame. Oh Lord, I love you. Thank you for who you are and the
work you’re doing in my life and the lives of those around me. You are so good to me. Thank
you for your patience, love, and mercy that is anew each morning. Draw me after you and let us then RUN
together (Song of Songs 1:4)- lighting the world ablaze with your kingdom
fire. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank
you, thank you for your unending love. I adore you.

 

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and
when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and
my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord… How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the
grains of sand… Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious
thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way
everlasting� (Psalm
139:1-4, 17-18, and 23-24).