How I was called to the mission field comes down to telling the story of my heart’s journey. The World Race isn’t my first attempt at missions, but it is where the story begins. Coming out of an amazing senior year of college, in which I was stretched in church leadership both on the administrative side and relational side, I felt that I was in a place with the Lord that I had never been before. So when a chance to go help with a small church in Milan fell into my lap, I was certain that the past twelve months had groomed me for exactly this opportunity. I had been to Italy before and couldn’t have been more excited to go back.
To make a long story short…it all fell thru. After months of support raising, the money didn’t come in. I didn’t go to Milan. And for the first time, my heart was broken and very confused. It took much time for me to stop being mad at God and allow the lessons that He wanted to teach me settle in to my heart. Among all the reasons that I think the trip to Milan didn’t work out, the biggest was the state of my heart. I had gone to a great teaching church in college…but in the end I came out with much head knowledge of God, but little heart connection with Him. I realized that not only did I not have a heart for the Italian people, I really didn’t have a heart for God’s people…both lost and saved.
In the next three to four years after that the Lord began working on my heart. He softened it towards my sister, a relationship in which I thought would only mend if she changed. He put me in a circle of non-believers where although my Christian bubble was certainly burst, I was for the first time able to see the hurt and pain in those who don’t have Christ. And finally He simply began to give me a desperation for Himself that I had never had before. I began to learn what “being in His presence” meant…and I loved it! Infact I craved it! All of it- the heartbreak, the seeing what the world was really like, the unknowing, yet wanting- all lead me to where I am today.
In the next three to four years after that the Lord began working on my heart. He softened it towards my sister, a relationship in which I thought would only mend if she changed. He put me in a circle of non-believers where although my Christian bubble was certainly burst, I was for the first time able to see the hurt and pain in those who don’t have Christ. And finally He simply began to give me a desperation for Himself that I had never had before. I began to learn what “being in His presence” meant…and I loved it! Infact I craved it! All of it- the heartbreak, the seeing what the world was really like, the unknowing, yet wanting- all lead me to where I am today.
My friends know all of my soap boxes. They know that if you get me started on certain subjects having to do with our identity in Christ, or our power of prayer, or our ability to love and change lives…I get very passionate! So I think that is why I’m now pursuing missions again. I just want to love with the love of Christ knowing that I can only do it through the Holy Spirit. I want to impact the world the way the Father has impacted me not only through Himself, but through those He brings across my path every day. I would be lying if I said I was 100% certain that this time it will happen. I must fight every day to believe and trust rather than giving in to the lies that this will turn out just like last time. But I know this time is different. I am different. I don’t want to go only because I think it would be cool to travel the globe…if I didn’t think that we would make a lasting impact on the countries we’ll go to, then I would get out right now. But we will. We will win lost sheep for Christ…and our hearts will be bigger and fuller because of it. That’s why I want to go.
