When signing up for the race, I knew that I would learn a ton and grow in a lot of ways. I figured that was a given. What I didn’t realize was how soon I would start learning things.
I should have figured.
My brain works in such a way that I see the big picture, but I forget to think about all the little things getting there. Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time reaching goals; I get frustrated with the little things and lose hope because I don’t quickly see the end “big picture.” My brain is full of ideas, but I can’t break it down into a step by step process. Luckily, I am surrounded by people that think that way, and that often remind me to think of the process.
When I originally signed up for the race, I’ll be honest: I was looking for an escape. Life at that point was hard, confusing, emotional, and honestly, no fun. I am so stubborn that I wanted to completely divert away from the path I had planned on because it created some space. That, and I didn’t want to be stuck in a place that reminded me of how everything I had planned wouldn’t be a reality.
But, surely enough, what I didn’t see was that God knew this would happen…and used my stubbornness to direct me on a path he had set into motion years ago.
The past two weeks I have felt God affirming my call to the race. I don’t believe God made the last season of my life happen as a way to get my attention, but I do think he used it for my good, and most importantly His good and perfect plan. It may have started as a hopeful escape, but it is ending up being where I needed to be all along.
My entire life I have felt a love for those that are forgotten. I have long felt a call to be a mother to the motherless, and I have always felt that if you have enough love to share, why not give it out? I feel deeply about the injustices in this world, and I think God made me just sassy and vocal enough to hopefully call the Church’s attention to the things we choose to ignore. The things I choose to ignore. I, however, am certainly only one of the masses he has called in these cases.
I have been in awe of the way God has woven this story together & how He isn’t finished yet. He has allowed the first six verses of Isaiah 61 to be an anthem throughout my college years, and how he has given me a love for the ones the church loves to marginalize.
These are things that have been dots along my path, and things I am seeing Him connect as I start my journey towards and on the World Race. I see Jesus in places that you’d never expect, and I am so ecstatic about His Good and Perfect love and continuing to experience this. I love to see people approaching Jesus differently, because we are approaching him personally. I also love seeing people approach Jesus together. I love the beauty of community; of needing one another.
Jesus was a revolutionary, and in order to follow him, that means sometimes I will have to go against the status quo. I will do things the world loves to hate, and there will be some people in the Church that don’t understand my actions. And that’s okay. I have to learn that I’m not always going to get praise from the masses. Dying to my self is a thing after all, right? Right.
Speaking of dying to myself, I’m also learning the joys and pains of fundraising & to say it is humbling is…an understatement. I feel like an annoying beggar. I feel like I am someone that chose a certain life plan and I am asking all my family and friends to foot the bill even though that’s not my intention.
Going through fundraising training, the Race made it clear that this would be a growing experience. They made it clear that fundraising is biblical, and discussed how Paul had to fundraise his entire Christian life.
Ew. Please, no Lord. Please do NOT make me do that.
Being humbled is one thing, but literally relying on the grace of God and others to complete a task he has set before me? Not so fun, friends. It is awkward, emotional, stressful, joyful, and so much more.
Exodus 14:14 reminds me daily that “The Lord will fight for [Me], [I] need only be still.”
I suck at being still, and better yet, I suck at fully relying on other people. But I have had to admit that I can’t do this all on my own; I can’t do this without the communities that surround me.
Don’t get me wrong, there are several times that I have considered playing the lottery in hopes of just winning the money so I can stop talking about it. That counts as being still…right?
More and more, I am learning that this isn’t about me. This isn’t about me traveling the world. This isn’t about my pride. This isn’t about my experiences. This is about Jesus. This is about following with all of my being and all that I have. This is about loving Him with all of my being & knowing that I can still love Him more.
I am learning to walk humbly with God, and I am learning that I have only seen glimpses of the plan he has for my life & that’s pretty cool if you ask me.
Even the parts that aren’t fun.
