An acquaintance of mine recently won the title of Miss Indiana. Elated for her, because I know it has been her dream, I did the typical girl thing and decided to creep through all of the pageant pictures on Facebook.
Don’t judge me; you know you’ve done this a time or two, too.
As I scrolled through, seeing beautiful women in beautiful gowns and crowns I wondered…what is it like to be this kind of beautiful?
How does it feel to be an example of beauty, brains, humility, and talent?
How does it feel to have every young girl hold you as a hero and dream about someday being like you?
What is it like for the world to look at you and think “Man, I’d love to look like her…”?
Let me be clear: THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP OR NOT-SO-SUBTLE HINT FOR 85 PEOPLE TO TEXT ME AND TELL ME I’M BEAUTIFUL. I know I am beautiful. But my question is, what does it take for the world to perceive me that way?
Anyone that knows me well knows that I’m stubborn…and a little too proud to admit where I need help. Sometimes, these things are a benefit. Often times, they are more like a hurdle. It is also no secret that I have never been, and will never be “Miss America”. Hey, I’ll be the first to admit it. However, that doesn’t mean that the desire to look like one from time to time doesn’t happen.
At times like this, my stubbornness comes into play. Why should I desire to look like someone else so that maybe other people will desire to be like me? Why have I come to a place where I think that how I am isn’t enough? Aren’t I the same person at a size 2 as I am at a size 14? Why is it that I have been programmed to think that I need to look a certain way in order to be deserving of love or admiration?
Stubborn Jennie wants to say love me as I am or not at all.
I get it, it’s all about feeling good & looking good.
But what if I like myself? Is there shame in that?
Throughout my life, I have been given so much advice on my “presentation”. Most of it with good intentions, but mostly from parties that didn’t understand that I just wanted to be loved as I am. Make-upless, brown haired, plump and happy ole me. Partially, because I don’t want to give in to other’s idea of what I should be.
Over the last few months, though, I have felt a pull to get into better shape for the world race. I know in order to “survive” I can’t go on like this, and in some way, this was part of the challenge for myself to go on the race. I may be content with myself, but I know that I can physically be a better me…and I don’t like admitting that.
I think the reason I love Christ so much is because he sees our “good enough” and says “hey, I can make that spectacular.” But in the same way, he loves me right where I am.
He thinks I’m that kind of beautiful.
He sees my beauty, brains, humility, and talent. (Meh, I at least hope they are there! haha!)
He sees how He is going to work through you in this world to inspire others.
He sees me and thinks, “Man, I’d love for her to understand how awesomely I created her.”
This isn’t another “we’re all beautiful in the eyes of the Lord” blog, because I can find you about 1,875 of them on Pinterest.
This is a blog, however about how I KNOW I am beautiful, and am being challenged to get over my stubbornness and admit that I can improve.
This IS a blog asking you what it will take for you to find THAT kind of beauty in the Lord to where you want to be the best version of YOU for whatever He has planned for your life.
And it’s a blog about getting over yourself, bring vulerable…and maybe getting yourself a tiara after you’ve done so.
