Ive been back in the states 8 months, but it feels like yesterday I was saying goodbye to my team. God has been reminding me of all that I learned and experienced.
He is showing me how much I’ve grown and changed.
He has made me very aware that I am getting comfortable.
Yes, its nice to have a routine, fulltime job, and a social life again but I haven’t felt the Spirit moving anymore. Its like the more comfortable I get the further the Spirit feels from me.
A few Sundays ago, I was in church and I felt this overwhelming wave of saddness come over me.
I missed the Holy Spirit, the presence of God following through me.
On the race whether I wanted to or not , I was placed in situations to encounter God in real tangible ways like serving, praying, laying on of hands, healings etc.. I used to be uncomfortable in these situations and now I find myself longing for them.
In the past two weeks Ive been convicted, encouraged, inspired, and excited about serving the Lord, more than I may have ever been. I’m taking baby steps to step out of my own fears of “What will happen?” and “What will they say?” The other day I saw an instagram post before heading to lunch. A friend reminded me what Jesus said in Matt 25:35-36.
Like I said, I was convicted and encouraged. Walking to the store I passed a man sitting on a stoop and I said “Hello! How are you?” He replied “I’m ok I’m just tryin to get something to eat. Do you have any money to spare?”
Now I usually am quick to smile and say “sorry I don’t have any money” BUT today there was a calmness in my spirit, no anxiety. I replied “No, but can I buy you something to eat?” He looked surprised and said “Yea a meatball sub!” “Alright coming right up. I’ll be right back.” I said.
As I waited in line for his sandwich, fear crept in. I thought, he might leave and not be there when I get back out there. I’ve had people walk out on me before who I’ve tried to help. I was hopeful though and threw in a cookie and a water. To my excitement he was still there and a friend had joined him. His friend seemed shocked and said “Well that was nice.” I wished them a good day and went on my way.
As I walked away I wished I had asked his name. It saddened me that kindness is a thing that shocks people. Why are we so surprised when people do something nice?
Is kindness out of our comfort zone?
Last Thursday I tried something new. I told myself I would buy 4 waters and go hand them out to neighbors on the street. I felt awkward and nervous. What if I offer water to someone who isn’t needy or homeless? Will I insult them?
I walked to a park and I saw three men hanging out. Two looked slightly disheveled and the other nicely dressed. As I passed by I said “Hello! How are you?” One man looked at me, almost stunned and studder out “Im Im good. How are you?” He seemed shocked I stopped and asked. I felt uncomfortable so I walked on and sat in the park a bit. Then I mustered the courage and walked back but by then there was only one man. I approached him and said hello and offered him a water. He thanked me and I asked his name.
David.
He asked mine.
He asked if I lived around here. I said No, I worked around here.
He had kind eyes and a good hand shake.
He said “I hope I see you again.” I said “I do too.”
I sincerely do, because meeting him was the best part of my day.
I had 3 other bottles of water and I couldn’t find one other person to take one, even though I offered. I was glad to have met David and that he allowed me to meet him and give him a water.
So many times we feel that helping people should be easy but its a two way street, some people do not want to be helped. However, we are called to step out of our comfort zones and try, try again.
That’s what God does for us daily. We push his hand away. We say I want to do this on my own, in my own strength, but he keeps trying and eventually he wins. We have to keep showing that kind of grace and love to those around us. Some people need extra chances and a crazy amount of do overs, I know I do.
So I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and be kind, love, help, serve. Let God use the uncomfortable!
Blessings,
Jennie
