The minute I stepped foot into the church I knew I was going to lose it. There is something about a sacred space that can have an affect on your heart.
I had expected silence and reflection when I agreed to come to a “Be still” service at my mother’s church, well my childhood church. I didn’t make it through the first song before I had to sit down on the floor: one, to not be seen, and two that is where I am accustom to sitting from so many places in the world.
As they sung about God abiding in us and with us. I realized I had been busying myself in order to not think about the year I just had, all the experiences and friends and people that had touched my life. I knew that God had been waiting for me to stop, to acknowledge his presence, and to glance at where I am now, with him. How far has he taken me? How much has he taught me? How much does he love his children?
One of the songs we sung brought tears and memories flooding back. I had learned it in Cambodia and had sung it accapella with two of my teammates, Jess and Chelle, many times to many congregations. It was strange and beautiful to hear it played by an instrument and sad to not hear the voices of Jess and Chelle beside me.
We had a meditation on how we will all one day die and get to be face to face with our maker. How will you feel when you stand with nothing, no earthly possessions, body, beauty, money, etc… I was shocked when I sighed and said “Thank God!” I realized how much of a burden the things of this life are. Not to say I dont enjoy the luxuries that are available, but they really can and are burdens holding and tying us to this earth. When people think about dying they usually think about what will happen to my things, my money, who will get them. In reality we shouldn’t worry about them because they won’t be ours, they never were. Whatever you have is a gift, undeserved and generously given.
Thank you God for your gifts and your Spirit in me. I pray I can be still more and more each day.
Blessings,
Jennie
