Talking. We do it all day long. I’ve always been a talker. I love to talk. I talk to process things, tell stories, get to know someone, to encourage, to inform, sometimes just to pass the time, and sometimes to fill those awkward silences.
While I’ve been on the race I have gotten feedback on my talking.
– You talk to much and don’t listen enough.
– Your words are powerful and full of wisdom.
– You talk in circles and need to make a point.
– You speak with boldness on topics that need to be heard.
– You need to let others share their experiences.
– You make people people feel comfortable and at ease when you talk to them.
These are very confusing. I feel like I’m either getting told to keep your mouth shut or share your wisdom. I have struggled all my life with chattering too much or repeating stories. Its how I process life and how I relate to people. Somewhere along the line I guess I have missed the people saying hey let me talk. This is the first time I have lived in close community 24/7, where they see my habits and are here to call me out it.
They say the things that are hard to hear.
It hurts sometimes but I know there is truth to their words.
So I’m in this place where I question when to speak and not to speak.
I question do my words even help or do they just irritate.
So I decided to take a day of silence to see what it would be like to not speak, wondering do my words even matter? why do I talk so much? Why do I want to be heard so badly?
I’ve always been told the story that I didn’t really talk much until I was about 5 years old but I’ve been catching up ever since. I would get on the phone with an aunt and they would hear my mom yelling through the phone “Jennie they cant hear you nodding.” My sister or parents spoke for me the first 4 years of my life. I was shy as a child and I’m not sure when the talking began.
I know I’ve always been a talker with close friends and family. In school I spoke up in class sometimes but didn’t really talk too much. I was quieter, stayed behind the scenes. In middle school and high school I went to a very small private school. There were only 10 people in my class. Things definitely changed. I had to speak up. If I knew the answer I said it and I shared my opinion openly. The more comfortable I became with myself the more I wanted to talk.
Church was nothing different. I spoke up more and more in Sunday School class and youth group. I loved discussion and just sitting around talking about God. I have to say my happiest memories and one of my favorite past times is just chatting with friends and family.
Apparently, I have perfected the one-sided conversation. I’ve been told too many times I could talk to a wall. I talk and people listen. I don’t know how people have put up with me through the years. I’m becoming more and more aware that I talk about myself and my ideas way too much.
Examples:
When I call my mom I ask her about her day and then go into all my problems, and happenings of the day. Sometimes, I’ll admit, I don’t know if I actually process what she is saying because I am so fixated on what I want to get out and vent about or say. That’s not fair. (talking too much and not listening)
I’m realizing that I go to others to verbally process things before I even process them in my head or take them to the Lord. ( talking in circles)
When in a group of people and asked a question I say the first thing to come to mind so that there isnt an awkward silence or, lets be honest, my pride takes over and I think I have something grand to say. (not letting others share their experiences)
What I’m realizing is that I need to think before I speak, have patience for others to process and answer, and to really listen to what people are saying so that I may respond in a thoughtful way.
My words do matter. They do provide comfort. They can bring laughter. My ideas are worth hearing.
Thanks for listening.
I encourage everyone to take a day of silence and see what the Lord can reveal to you.
Blessings,
Jennie
