“Fill me with Joy, Fill me with Joy, Fill me with joy.”
This is a prayer I prayed over and over this month.
God has answered that and more. He has given me PEACE and JOY!
I started this race anxious and fearful of what was to come. I prayed for God to hold my hand through this race and he has. Through changes in schedules, living situations, and unreliable transportation God has been working in me to trust and choose joy.
I find myself choosing joy more and more. In the face of heavy situations I have chosen joy and have been pleasantly surprised. One time I chose joy I ended up going to a women’s bible study in a small community where we were ministering called Ciudad Vieja. The study was completely in spanish and God revealed to me that I understand a lot more Spanish than I give myself credit. I understood almost the entire message of God’s love for us. He wants to be our best friend the one we run to when things get tough or we have a great day. Each day I’ve noticed a slight shift, a heaviness or anxiousness lifting.
Our bus ride to Honduras was suppose to take 10 hours over night and it lasted 21 hours. I usually get sick when I don’t sleep and I also get carsick. By the grace of God neither happened in a steaming hot bus packed shoulder to shoulder with me squadmates. My emotions got testy but I kept hearing people say choose joy. As we road through the beautiful green country side of Honduras I couldn’t help but smile. God’s creation is so beautiful.
Last night, as I lay in a hammock after worship I realized a few things.
God has given me joy. He is faithful and will be gentle with you. I used to sing worship songs in unworthiness, cry tears of “why, how could you love me so” and now I smile through those songs because I’m excited he loves me so.
I’ve always been a worry-wart, ever since I could remember. my parents used to wonder if id ever leave home. In high school things shifted when I started to get to know God. I feel like something shifted again later in life where I was talking more about God than actually to him. I’m renewing my relationship now, again, and it feels good.
I feel peace and freedom and joy. I don’t know what to do with it but smile and enjoy. A part of me wants to ask questions like “is this the calm before the storm or is this real?” but I’m learning to block those thoughts out.
Yesterday I shared how emotional the beginning of this month has been with my leaders. I’ve felt a shift and a change. I got asked if i thought I was on the other side of that and I said “yes i hope so.” I’m learning its a choice daily whether I lean into that change or shift. Its a daily choice of how i want to spend my time on the race. For now I am choosing joy joy joy joy.
So I’ll leave you with the lyrics from a great children’s song:
I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart WHERE?
down in my heart WHERE? down in my heart
I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart WHERE? down in my heart to stay
And I’m so happy, so very happy I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart
and I’m so happy, so very happy I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart.
I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart WHERE?
Down in my heart WHERE? down in my heart WHERE?
I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart WHERE?
Down in my heart to stay!
How will you choose to live your day today?
Blessings,
Jennie
