I had planned on staying on top of things. Blogging once a week. Journaling. Soaking in the presence of God daily…but I need to admit – I have failed!
Back in January, I attended Project Searchlight. I dreamed. I set goals. I became excited and ready to tackle what had been laid on my heart. Things like reading a few books a month, exercising, memorizing scripture and spending time praying and fasting for people. Things that go beyond that…deeper than “my” needs or things I wanted to do. It was about living out the calling on my life!
Things change, but that shouldn’t put my relationship with God and others on hold. in fact, it should spur it on.
I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why it is. Things just aren’t the same as they were. Maybe it’s the lack of community I feel here. Maybe it’s my lack of motivation. Maybe it’s cause even though I’m “home,” I don’t feel at home. Bottom line – I don’t have an answer. I don’t know if I really need one, cause then that would just be an excuse, and where would that get me?
What I do know is that something needs to change. And it’s NOT GOD! He hasn’t gone anywhere. He’s still there, waiting for me to run to him. To turn off the distractions around me and to once again open my heart and my life to him, deeper than ever before. I have seen where faith leads – and it’s inspiring.
Is this where I was expecting to be? I “planned” on getting back from Africa and heading to Haiti for one to three months. I planned on going to a teammates wedding in Georgia. I planned on going to help out at Training Camp in Georgia at the end of May. NONE of these things have worked out…but I am CONFIDENT that this is where God has me. His ways are not my ways.
So, here I am back to living with my parents. It’s a busy time of year. It’s so great to be around them, and I know that 5 months from now, I’ll be leaving for a lot longer than 11 months, and that’s hard. I’m hopeful that this time together will be a blessing and draw us closer together. Time goes by fast…
It’s not easy being back in one place. It’s not easy working again. It’s not easy to not be surrounded by the community I spent the last year of my life with! It’s not easy feeling alone – but the thing is, I am not. God never said life would be easy. He asks us to trust Him and to walk with Him and to be willing and obedient, even if and when we do not understand. This is one of those times when I do not understand.
I am waiting. Waiting on a visa for Felix. Waiting to marry the man God has brought into my life. Waiting for the sun to come out…waiting. While I am here waiting on earth, He is there waiting on me. He desires me. Waiting is a part of life…but it’s what we do with the time WHILE WE WAIT that can make or break us.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for
the LORD.
Pslam 27:14
the LORD.
Pslam 27:14
In the midst of the chaos and struggles and challenges of adapting to being back home – back in one place – I am growing. I am content and satisfied and BLESSED to know that God is in control and using me and using others to invest in a community, a province and a Nation in need.
This may be the first time in a long time that I am in a CONSTANT place, but I know that MY God is a great God and that He is my CONSTANT. No matter where I am or what I am doing, He is there. Listening. Waiting. Watching. Helping. What am I going to do about it….
I’m not the only one facing a battle. In fact, we are all in one. They all look and feel different, but we are not alone! We need each other. We need God.
This is my heart. This is my life. Real. Honest. Painful at times…but God is always still God at the end of the day!
