I’ve come to realize that even though I said I came onto the Race with no expectations, that is entirely wrong. Time and time again, I’ve been unknowingly disappointed and putting pressure on myself to strive for a more intimate relationship with God. I had this idea that on the Race, I’d constantly feel His presence, hear His voice, and it would be completely different than before I left. Boy, was I wrong.
Around month 3, I had to release myself from these expectations. I was impairing my relationship with God by thinking that I was doing something wrong by not feeling Him with me always. And then God spoke to me, and it completely changed my mindset of this year. Much like losing weight, if I want to lose 40 pounds, that’s not going to happen overnight. Heck, it’s not going to happen in 6 months. I’m not going to see progress overnight, but I will see small changes along the way. This is how we grow and have a more intimate relationship with Jesus. Even though I can’t see the immediate progress, I have to trust that as long as I’m putting in the effort and doing my best, that He’s transforming my heart and I am going to have that deep relationship with Him that I crave.
On a weight loss journey, you’ll start to notice small changes, maybe after your first 5 pounds that you’ve lost. Your clothes start to fit differently, you feel a little lighter. That’s where I’m at in my spiritual journey. I’ve “lost my first 5 pounds”. I’m starting to see my identity in Christ, and feeling Him differently. I’m starting to be in constant communication with Him, not just in my “designated” times of prayer and worship. I’m feeling the least anxious I have ever felt, knowing that God has my future in His hands, and that I can trust in Him. I’m learning to rest, and to be content with where I am and not constantly looking forward to the next big thing. I’m learning that no matter how hard my situation and how much I hold onto Jesus, He is always holding on to me more tightly, and that’s a pretty safe place to be.
I’m no where near where I want to be in my relationship with Jesus right now, but I’m seeing those small victories in my daily life, and that’s pretty darn exciting. And just like that weight loss journey, I am so excited to see how much more intimate my relationship with Jesus will be at the end of this year.
If you’re not where you’d like to be in your relationship with God, don’t give up. It’s going to be a journey, it’s not an overnight prayer. It’s a constant battle, but one that is worth the fight. Trust that your effort and your prayers are changing things and transforming your heart, because God is listening, and He answers prayers. He is the giver of all good gifts, and Jesus is the greatest gift of all. Keep pursuing Him- it will make all the difference.
God bless,
Jenna
