When did you stop liking pictures of yourself? At what point did you stop smiling at the camera when someone pointed it at you, and instead start hiding your face in your hands? And when did you start untagging photos of yourself on Facebook that you just didn’t like? Beauty. At a young age, we learn that skinny is beautiful. We learn that being white is beautiful. And then we learn that being tan is beautiful. And then we learn that being ethnic is beautiful. (Can you see how it’s a constant, never ending battle?) We learn that you have to look a certain way to be considered beautiful.
God has been speaking a lot to me about my identity so far on the Race. Who I put my worth in, how I view Him, how I view myself, and let me tell you, I haven’t liked the answers so far. I’ve found that I put my worth in worldly people and things, I limit God and put Him in this box with no room to show me who He really is, and how I don’t have the self-confidence I once believed I had. If you would have asked me before the Race if I thought I was a self-confident person, I would have said yes. But now that I’m being stripped of my worldly accomplishments, I found that I don’t really know who I am in Christ. This has been an amazing, challenging process over the past three months, and I have learned so much about who I am.
One of the first aspects of identity that God put on my heart was beauty. It’s not that I didn’t consider myself beautiful, I just didn’t see anything special. I always thought my face was too round and fat in pictures, always overanalyzing and over-critical of myself. I prayed daily that God give me His eyes to see beauty, not just in myself, but everyone around me. And boy did He deliver. I began to see everything so much more clearly, seeing my beautiful teammates and their radiant smiles, wondering how they could see anything less in the mirror. I began to connect the beauty of the world with us, His creation. God created nature to be beautiful so we could see that aspect of Him. I’m a naturalist; I connect with God through being in nature and seeing His creation, but never connected the fact that as the world is His creation, we are created in His image. Without fail, I’m able to look out the window on long bus rides from Nicaragua to Honduras and never cease to be amazed at the rolling mountains and the landscape, but fail to see the beauty in His ultimate creation- us.
It’s hard to believe you’re beautiful when you haven’t showered in four days and you still have paint in your hair because you can’t bring yourself to shower in the frigid ice water that burns your skin, looking in the mirror at your face breaking out, and wearing the same clothes you’ve worn for a few days (thank you Costa Rica…) But, in that moment, God sees me as radiant. Just like He loves me as much now as He ever did before. That opinion in God’s eyes is unchanging. Worldly people will always fail you. Your significant other or parent or friend will never tell you enough times how beautiful you are to fill that void in your heart that only God can fill- that void that’s filled when you see yourself as God sees you and truly believe it. You have to know in your soul that beauty is more than skin deep. That when you have the light of Jesus in you, that you radiate it, and that’s beautiful. You have to know that being loving, nurturing, intentional, pure, virtuous, trustworthy, strong, hardworking, and fully obedient to God is what makes you beautiful. “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” Proverbs 31:30
The six year old girls at El Ayudante loved getting their pictures taken. You pull out a camera and they’re striking poses and then rushing to see what their picture looks like. They haven’t been told yet that they’re not beautiful. And I pray with everything I have that they’ll never begin to think otherwise. Every one of those girls is radiant. You, reading this, are stunning. The Creator of the universe looks at you and calls you His masterpiece. Do you believe it? For the first time in a long time, I do. And if you’re reading this and don’t, I pray that you’ll ask God for His eyes, because that’s what He wants for you.
So to all the girls out there, this one’s for you. You are beautiful. You are chosen. You are wise. You are special. You are worthy. You were carefully and intentionally crafted to be you. You are pure. You are holy. You are loved. And He delights in you.
God bless,
Jenna
