It always catches me off guard when the simple things become profound. For a moment, I'm flabbergasted. And then, when that moment passes, I'm in awe. It would seem to go without saying that I am not who I once was. You would think. Apparently not.
Today, I ran into an old friend. Someone I haven’t seen in a long time, and honestly expected to never see again. There I was, fiddling with my headphones in an art gallery, attempting to hook up the audio tour with my handy-dandy phone and tune out the world, when lo and behold – I see him. Of all people. A mere three feet away from me. A guy that I don’t think I’ve spoken to since high school graduation. There we were, in downtown Minneapolis, checking out the same historical exhibit, on the same day, at the same time.
Though seeing him was unexpected, we took a few minutes to catch up, at one point getting stuck in the middle of a tour group. It was complete with a guide asking questions and pointing at various features of the artwork. We ignored the tour and talked. Of course, it shouldn't surprise me at this point, I find out that he is heading to my beloved alma mater for grad school (he always was a smart cookie). I told him that I’m heading down to Georgia, come January, to work for an organization that I love and believe in. (Can I tell you a secret? It's Adventures in Missions! More on that later)
Briefly, I was able to tell him about the Race and the past year of my life. He actually has been to Bangalore, a city that I love, and the place I spent last Christmas in. I celebrated the holidays there with my team and Jireh Home. As we start December, I honestly miss it. We reminisced about MG Road and Goa. Overall, he seems to be doing well. Like me, he’s recently graduated, trying to figure out what’s next. We talked about school, though it's of course impossible to cram four years of life into a fifteen minute conversation.
We didn’t talk forever, but it was actually really good to see him. I re-introduced him to my dad, who was with me, and eventually, he wandered away to find his parents. Dad later remarked that he seemed like a "nice young man". You know, like dads are wont to do. There's a part of me that wishes I had met him for the first time today, because I'm betting that we have more in common than I used to think. Who knows, we could have actually been friends.
We didn’t exactly have the best friendship back in high school. To be completely frank, I think we were friends out of necessity, and on my end, I never really put in any effort to get to know him. I either adored him or loathed him, depending on the day and situation. I should be shocked to say that, but I would be more shocked if back then he wasn't aware of it. I was somewhat volatile and I can easily remember a few dramatic and tense times from my senior year. There were a lot of bitch moments here in high school, ones that I wish I could take back but can’t. I try not to think about high school too often, it tends to make me sad.
Seeing him made me think about a myriad of things.
High school. This city. The people I once knew.
How I used to act. Who I used to be.
There are a lot of memories from this city, and physically being here makes it nearly impossible to get away from them. Sometimes, I behave and speak as though it was all bad, but it really wasn’t. This place didn't wreck my life. It didn't ruin me. Memories, and scars fade. I might whine and moan, but that's only half of the story. There was a lot of good here, too. As always, with a 20/20 hindsight bias, I can see that I learned a lot.
Talking to my former classmate caused an unexpected paradigm shift. If I need evidence that I have changed, I need look no further than high school. I need to compare current day me to high school me. I have grown up so much since then. I am not the same girl I was when I graduated from RAHS, and I will never go back to being her. The difference, is not simply noticeable, but blaring. I feel like I don't even look the same anymore. And not just because my hair is growing back post-shave.
I realize that I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself since getting back from the Race. I’ve been wanting myself to grow in leaps and bounds like I did when I was on the field. I become easily frustrated because I can’t see the changes in me like I could out there. Being home is different, but I’m having a hard time accepting that; I expect it to be the same as the Race in some aspects.
Sometimes, change happens in a flash. An epiphany strikes and you know that something has shifted. And some things are simply more gradual. Some things take time.
Either way, change inevitably occurs. I’m not in high school anymore. I’m not even in college anymore. My life doesn’t revolve around soccer games, track meets, and daily practices. I’m no longer worried about what the popular girls are doing this weekend and if I’ll be invited. I’m no longer the snippy, vain and selfish child I once was. I'm not trying to juggle friend groups or pick the perfect dress for prom. The Lord has molded and chiseled and shaped me for years. Things aren't how they were.
And when Paul says that I’m a new creation, I believe him.
There was a time when I carried a bitterness around with me. All of the pain of senior year, of moving, of the ups and downs of high school drama. It was all jumbled into one ball of “I hate this city.” To be honest, I’m not sure exactly when it left, but after today I am certain it’s gone. There’s no hatred or bitterness or anger here. Things have changed, time has gone on, we have grown up.
Whether or not I see him again, I’m grateful for the lesson God is teaching me through the surprise encounter. And I'm thankful for this exhibit giving us a place to run into each other.
