One year ago today I awoke in an unfamiliar room after sleeping for 14 hours, exhausted after a 77-hour travel experience. It was the beginning of my time on the World Race; I was in the city of Tirgu Mures, Romania with my original team. I woke up that morning, groggy and unsure of what exactly I was doing on the other side of the world. At 2:00 in the afternoon, I was shocked (and yet, simultaneously not surprised) that I was the first person awake in our house.
This day, in 2011, I was in Romania.
Where did this year go? Heck, where did this month go?
Honestly, it's been hard to process since getting home. I haven't stopped moving, and it's felt like I have continued the race, alone no less, in these past five weeks since landing on home soil. I'll give you a quick breakdown.
July 27th – flew from Kuala Lumpur, back to America. Made it to Los Angeles.
July 28th – flew from Los Angeles to Seattle to visit my sister
August 5th – flew from Seattle to Minneapolis (home)
August 10th – drove from Minneapolis to the Milwaukee area to see friends
August 11th – drove from Milwaukee back to Madison
August 12th – drove from Madison out to Iowa, and back to see a friend for the afternoon
August 17th – drove from Madison to Chicago, met up with three squadmates, drove down to Gainesville Georgia for Project Search Light with A (and Z) squad
August 24th – drove back to Chicago, stayed with my aunt and uncle
August 28th – flew out to New York to visit my best friend Erin
September 8th – flew back to Chicago from New York
Today, September 11th I drove from Chicago back to Madison, where I will be until September 14th before driving back to Minneapolis.
Since getting back into America, I've been moving around more than I did on the Race in a month. Tonight will be my 15th different place that I've slept. #Ridiculous.
Exhausted yet?
Yeah, I'm kind of over it too. It's been a busy few weeks. Strangely, I haven't hit a wall, because I tend to thrive on these kinds of things. One of the many reasons I opted to go on the Race to begin with. 🙂
It's been good, but it's time to relax. It's time to rest. It's time to be still, for once in my life. I'm always running from something or to something.
Stillness. How many times do I need to be reminded that I need it?
It's been hard for me to come by, and I don't often force myself to find it. I love the bustle and excitement of change, of big cities and movement, but I easily become consumed with doing, rather than being. And since when does God really need me to do anything, anyway? Never, that's when.
When I was at church in New York, I had a moment with Jesus, where I felt like he was saying,
"It'll be okay, baby girl. It'll all be better than okay. Deep breath."
I need to stop running after full calendars. I need to stop trying to fit in the upteenth coffee date and just sit still, for pete's sake. On the Race, I somehow (by the grace of God) found rest and quiet in the chaos of my life. It doesn't necessarily need to be recreated, because let's be honest, it can't be, but I need to find a way to get it again. And I know that I need to be okay with not being busy.
That's the newest goal. I'm still unemployed, and working on putting out job applications to various places and companies. I'm still currently living out of a car and bopping around like a crazy person. I'm still unsure of where I'll be a month from now.
And I'm still positive that it [the Race, and this past month] WAS, and IS, worth it.
Even in all the chaos of these past weeks, I've had some beautiful moments, where things couldn't be more perfect. Jesus loves me enough to let me see my friends, to see a city I've longed for, and give me an open schedule. Despite my wanting it to be over, I'm forever grateful for this period of time. It wasn't always restful, but being as extroverted as I am, it was necessary.
I saw my friend Tommy while in Washington. I've known him since 7th grade, and haven't seen him in nearly three years. So much fun to catch up in person. One of the wisest men I know; it was such a huge blessing that we were in the same place at the same time.
I saw this beautiful sunset over Lake Lanier when I was down in Gainesville. It was quiet, peaceful, and all things serene. We sat on the dock and simply watched as the sky changed colors and the sun drifted away. The colors were superb and I am still amazed at how creative God is. He must get a kick out of how much we enjoy his color scheme.
And I spent 11 days in the Big Apple visiting my Badger housemate Erin, and saw Brynn in the process. I had the chance to visit the Metropolitan Museum (I could get lost in there for days and never notice), I saw the 9/11 memorial, I wandered through Central Park and saw Times Square. I got the chance to spend time with two of my closest friends; it was so comforting to be around them. I went to church at Hillsong NYC and worshipped with a few Australians. 🙂
I don't need to "grow up" or "join the real world" because both of those things miss the point. What I need, in this moment, and in whatever season Jesus has for me next is the same thing I'll always need. HIM. It's been a long, ridiculous, fun, amazing, stretching, miracle-filled 12 months, and I know that the adventure won't stop just because I have ceased to physically move across the globe. I have a sense that the stillness and quiet and rest will be an adventure all its own.
