Back in Business!
I apologize that it’s been two weeks since my last blog post. We had a squad-wide, week-long screens fast starting the day after my birthday, and along with that, I haven’t had access to the internet for this past week. To update you on location, my squad is now in Moldova! I left Targu Mures on the 10th and Team Beauty for Ashes met up with the squad in Bucharest before traveling to Chisinau (the capitol of Moldova) on the 12th on an overnight train. My team is now stationed in Ocnita, a 6-ish hour train ride from the capital. More on that later.
Awakened. Activated. Animated.
Something in me has changed. A-squad is all about good A words, and while on one hand it might seem cheesy, they totally portray the newness that somehow has found its way into my life.
When I was in school – middle school, high school, college – I was easily frustrated with extraneous noises. I have never dealt well with the kids who tapped on their desks or who loudly chewed bubblegum in the back of class. I was focused, and I wanted the quiet and stillness that I deemed necessary to study properly. I followed the rules of being shushed and not talking out of turn. I often found myself aggravated by constant movements and noises that seemed out of place.
When I was a child, I took piano lessons. I no longer play, but I learned to keep time and to read music. I turned to playing the violin in middle school, and while I love it even now, it wasn’t “cool” like a guitar, nor “sophisticated” like a piano. Ironically, given my dislike of noise, what I really wanted was to be a drummer. Go figure.
When I was in high school, I desperately wanted to be in choir. It never happened. For one, I didn’t have space in my schedule, but beyond that, I had never sung in front of anyone before and wasn’t willing to start at the age of 16; it wasn’t something I was confident in whatsoever. I had no frame of reference for how good or bad I was at singing, so I simply didn’t.
Two dreams. Neither realized, both abandoned.
I'm finding that God is not one to forget about dreams. He's a faithful God, and he loves blessing us and giving us the desires of our heart. He knows our dreams and is all for them being realized. With that in mind, fast forward to last month. I still haven’t sung in front of anyone, and I still don’t own a pair of drumsticks, but I’ve found my voice and my rhythm.
Which is
Crazy
(with a capital C)
I sing now. I also have been finding myself beating on my journal and, most recently, a table I was sitting on. The latter resulted in a blood blister on my right palm, which is still visible more than a week later. It was intense. It was also louder than I would’ve thought possible.
Before the Race, I never guessed I would be that kid who creates a beat wherever they go. It’s hard for me to even describe how much JOY I get from it. It has unlocked something within me that I was previously unaware of. My hands pound out beats on anything they can find, my fingers snap to rhythms in my head. I’ve sung more in the past six weeks than I probably had since the beginning of this year.
The Lord is slowly but surely telling me that I’m a worshipper. That my voice and my hands will help me to go deeper into his love; they’ll allow me to draw closer to him. A space has been created on the Race for me to embrace worship in a new way.
Watch out, world.
A voice has been awakened, hands have been activated.
My newfound freedom and noise won’t really stand to be contained. Which means I get to share them both. I’m pretty excited about what the Lord is gonna do through me because I know he has a plan for this.
