How was Training Camp?
I cant seem to get this question off my mind. Not only because many people have asked me since being back, but more so because I am having a hard time putting an answer to this question into words. So…here goes nothing! I am not going to share too many details of what training camp consisted of just in case any future racers come across this blog. I don’t want to set any expectations. I went into camp with very few expectations, but even those were completely blown out of the water! What I will share is a glimpse of what the Lord was up to!
I showed up on the first day of training camp unaware that my 38 pound pack and my filled to the brim day pack weren’t the only pieces of baggage I was carrying. The Lord stirred up a bunch of baggage in my heart that He wanted to take so I am able to be ALL IN on this amazing journey that is ahead this upcoming year.I am hurt
I am empty
I am insecure
I am broken
I am inadequate
I am alone
I am unworthy
Yet, in the midst of all of those things the Lord opened my eyes to an extremely important lesson. I learned that the enemy is in constant attack, going straight for my identity. His way of tearing me down is to plant each of the lies I stated above, in my head. The second I fall into his trap, believing those lies, he wins! Although there is validity in feeling each of these emotions, these emotions should not and do not define me. We serve a BIG God whose desire is to willingly take each of these lies. Although, He isn’t able to take them until we are willing to surrender them, trusting He has greater. Here’s the thing; He removes these lies that have been holding us captive without leaving voids in our hearts, and overflowing each void with the truth of His LOVE, JOY, and PEACE! In the words of my Abba Father,
You are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)
You are my daughter (Romans 8:14-15)
You are my handiwork (Ephesians 2:10)
You are an enemy of the devil (1 Peter 5:8)
You are a slave of righteousness (Romans 6:18)
You are an over-comer (1 John 4:4)
These are a few of the many truths I have to come back to in order to combat the lies the enemy throws my way daily. I could spend hours sharing with you all the ways the Holy Spirit worked in my life over my 10 days at training camp, but for now I will just share the most monumental moment of the week! The Lord was waiting for me to surrender all the doubts, fears, lies, and insecurities I was holding on to, and the moment I did, He did something incredible! As I was sitting in prayer surrendering each of these things, it immediately created a platform for Him to do what He has been waiting for.
I have always been known to be a pretty joyful person, which for the most part is genuine. Something the Lord made clear to me at camp was that for quite some time I went through seasons, at times even subconsciously, of using my joy as a mask. A mask to hide that I was believing all these lies, or feeling all this fear and doubt. A mask so that people wouldn’t view me as any lesser. I needed to give it up. God has wanted to take the mask for a long time, but I haven’t been willing to let it go. It was time. I removed my mask as a whole not holding on to any pieces, and placed it in the open hands of my Heavenly Father; Knowing that he had something amazing in store. The second I did that I was immediately filled with the most beautiful, genuine, overwhelming, surreal, JOY that I had ever experienced in my life. A joy that I can’t put to words, but brought so much freedom to my life. No longer is the smile on my face used to hide what’s under the surface, but rather 100% genuine. Even now when I experience trials, and when the enemy attacks, I will CHOOSE JOY. My God is so powerful, full of mercy and grace, holding on to me until I make it out of whatever trial or attack I am facing, and He leaves me with a decision to make, He holds the joy out to me, it’s there, will I choose in to it? A yes or no in reference to this question will completely depict the outcome of whatever it is I am faced with. Is it easy? Definitely not always, but it makes conquering these things a million times easier when looking through a lens of JOY. I believe wholeheartedly that the Lord has big plans to use my new found joy as a vessel in making Himself known to all those who I encounter this next year, and I could not be more excited!
