I am writing to you all once again because I simply can’t keep my heart quiet.
I have been deeply inspired once again by the lessons I have been learning about love.
It is so tough to put words to the emotions I have experienced in the last week here in Nicaragua. I believe things are told better in stories so I will tell yet another from this glorious life I have been living.
In a small village about an hour and a half from Chinandega (where we are currently living) my heart broke once more for mercy and was bruised again with the punch of injustice.
Our team was walking around visiting homes again and spending time with people. As we were walking by one house, we noticed a group of people and went about our task of approaching them and making conversation.
This day in particular had been a long one so far and most of us were hot and drained, struggling to be engaged and present.
As we said hello one girl stepped forward and began a conversation. She explained she immediately felt awkward talking with us. We had brought two women from the local church on our house visits. She had stopped going to church and their presence was uncomfortable for her.
We began telling her we were deeply sorry she felt out of place. We told her how God would never want her to feel that way. We told her He loved her no matter what. Church or no church. We told her that we loved her no matter what. Regardless of her beliefs.
She seemed to relax once she realized we were not there to make her do anything or believe anything she was not ready for. She then proceeded to ask for prayer for her son who was sick. We said we would be happy to pray and asked if he was around so we could touch him as we prayed for him.
She timidly obliged.
Then turned to the hammock right next to her and, with a small smile, pulled back the thick blankets covering the top.
Next something happened that sucked all air out of my chest and left me motionless.
I peered over the edge expecting to see a sweet, beautiful baby half asleep.
I can still remember vividly the moment she pulled back those blankets.
At first I saw some tiny feet, and then a pair of very frail legs, and lastly I set my sight upon his face.
That was the moment my body seemed to empty itself. My heart violently fell to the floor and I just stood there. Out of place in my own skin, literally lifeless.
As she picked him up tenderly into her arms I snapped back into the realm of time and found my footing.
There is no way I could effectively describe to you what this boy looked like. He has muscular dystrophy, he was terribly skinny and could not speak. His head was tilted back. His eyes were bigger then any I have ever seen. His mouth was in a fixed position, half open. He was four years old, yet he was no bigger than your average two year old.
At first glance I was momentarily terrified.
At second glance I honestly believed I was looking at the most beautiful person I had ever seen.
As his mother held him we laid hands on him and began to pray.
To tell you all the truth I could hardly pray. All I could do was stare at him. Stare at his mom. Stare at the way she looked at him.
She looked at him as if she would die 100 times over in a heartbeat just so that he would know what it meant to live.
The prayer ended and everyone turned around to leave.
Before we left I made sure to sneak a kiss on his soft little head.
With intense emotions I turned around and walked abruptly past everyone to the other side of the road.
As I stood there I wept.
I felt during that prayer I had witnessed the purest form of love imaginable. And it left me uncomfortable, naked, and helpless.
Every day in Nicaragua I am slapped across the face with the anatomy of love.
In each person I have met I have seen a different piece.
This boy and his mother will never know that just by being in their presence, with a gentle sort of ruthlessness, they showed me more of what true love looks like.
As I reflect on that day I can only hope that every day of my future looks the same.
Learning more and more about what true love looks like.
Looking above and beyond my own tiny world to be beaten with the reality of the huge world around me.
I feel like I am repeating myself a lot from my last blog but maybe that’s because I feel like I have discovered something.
This is what life is all about.
It hurts and it’s so taxing. To be whacked upside the head with the truth of love.
But it’s worth it. And I am starting to believe that maybe the anatomy of love is way bigger than I can fathom in my tiny heart.
It consists of lions and lambs, warriors and servants.
It is the farthest thing from black and white.
Maybe we will never fully understand the weight of love, until we reach the end.
Part of me hopes we won’t. Because that means I get to spend my whole life discovering it. Piece by piece.
The more I learn the more I want to know.
I hope and pray the same for you.
That the truth of love with also smack you upside the head with a gentle sort of ruthlessness.
And leave you dumbfounded, hungry for more of it.
So let us chase after the knowledge of the anatomy of love together.
In my eyes it is the worthiest pursuit we could ever set our sights upon.
Love you all. Mean it.
