Hello my beautiful people, sorry it has been so long since I have written.
So much has happened since I last blogged. I sat down yesterday and attempted to write one that encompassed everything that had happened in the past month.
But it turned into a freaking novel.
Way. Too. Much.
So I decided the best solution is to share with you just one story that is the closest to my heart at the moment.
We have arrived in Nicaragua at our ministry site. We are working with a program called Vision Nicaragua. They help with building homes, providing education, the whole nine yards.
The past few days have been filled with new friends and a lot of heavy emotions.
Seeing people live in happiness with so little throws me for a loop.
The reality of my material wealth and spiritual poverty are simultaneously slapping me across the face when I meet people with such spiritual wealth and physical poverty.
In the mornings we have been walking from home to home, asking the local people in the village about their lives and then offering to pray for them. I have never done ministry like that, and to be honest, I was terrified at first.
It feels very intrusive to just walk into a stranger’s home and start talking to them. I will say that after swallowing my pride, I have made many friends in the past few days and not one of them remains a stranger to me.
One woman in particular I hope I never forget.
I remember when we first approached her home she immediately stuck out to me. She was so beautiful, in the purest way imaginable. She had on a rather revealing outfit and quite a bit of makeup but when I first saw her I didn’t see any of those things. I simply saw a girl the same age as me. Full of life and love but also full of fear and confusion.
Upon our introduction she seemed timid and confused as to why we were in her home.
As the translator began talking to her we learned she used to be a Christian and had walked away from her faith. She said she didn’t have much to say but that she would like us to pray for her. With reluctant shaking hands she grabbed ours and let us pray for her.
There was nothing extravagant about the prayer and as it ended we all gave her hugs and turned to walk to the next house.
As we were leaving, the translator told me that she had a name but nobody in the village called her by her birth name.
They called her Tameless.
With that information my heart felt as if it was being stabbed with a spear of love and with blood gushing forth I was provoked to show her how much I felt her pain.
Jesus whispered soft and sweet into my soul saying, “Give her a kiss for me.”
SIDE NOTE: When I felt this urge I felt so freaking weird about it I can’t even begin to tell you. It seemed so bizarre to give a random person a kiss.
Yet after this feeling subsided I had another thought that pushed me into action.
To live is Christ and to die is gain. My comfort was not important in this moment.
So I turned around, ran back and found her in her backyard.
I still remember her expression vividly. She was standing there with tears streaming down her face trying to wipe them away and continue her task of doing laundry.
I walked up quietly, gave her a hug and planted a kiss on her cheek.
I then turned around and walked away.
My day continued and we went about the rest of our ministry but I will never be the same.
This story is not about me. AT ALL.
This story is about a beautiful woman who needed a kiss from Jesus. And to be honest she will never know how much she taught me in that moment.
She taught me that I should never let fear stop me from expressing love.
How selfish am I? To let my desire for comfort rob others from physical affection.
Jesus has been teaching me this month a lot about what it means to be crazy for him.
I have such a desire to be recklessly abandoned for Jesus and I have been so confused about what I should do in response.
The most ironic part is that He has shown me the answer is very simple.
The most reckless thing I could ever do in response to the love of Christ is to die.
Die to myself.
Die to my fear.
Die to my intense longing for comfort.
Die to my desire to approved, loved, noticed, praised etc.
“Even unto death, with my every breath I will love you.”
I am standing face to face with this realization and I am honestly terrified to die.
All because of a beautiful woman in a small village of Nicaragua who taught me a radical lesson.
I need to die to myself in order to start living.
“I have one desire left, to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord giving Him everything I have.”
This my heart at this very moment.
Thank you all for reading. I think of you often and keep you in my prayers.
Love you all & I freaking mean it.
