Have you seen those commercials for adoption? The ones where there is someone awkwardly parenting and the announcer says, “You don’t have to be perfect to be a parent.” I feel like someone should make a PSA like that for missionaries. “You don’t have to be perfect to be a missionary, you just have to be okay with feeling awkward.”
Because boy oh boy, I feel extremely awkward. All of the time.
The first day we got to our ministry site our contacts asked us about any songs and skits we had prepared, and about any ideas we had for teaching English. Austin chimed in in his Austiny way, “There are no talents on this team.” It was funny, because in some ways it is sort of true. I mean, we all have talents, just not the ones you associate with stereotypical missionary stuff. We don’t really know any skits, we only know a few songs, and only a couple of us have experience teaching. None of us have been to seminary, and a few of us had never preached a sermon before coming on the race.
My skills certainly don’t fall in the missionary category. I like to write and I like being a journalist, which is cool because God used that last month. But this month, so much of what we do makes my skin crawl. I’m not saying this to complain, I’m saying this because it’s true. Honestly, I know that it’s good for my skin to crawl every now and then because it makes me rely not on myself but on God who gives me strength. Standing in front of a classroom makes me nauseous. Handing out flyers on a college campus makes me want to run in a corner and hide. I wasn’t very good at relating to college students when I was one, so that fact that God has me doing college ministry this month is nothing short of hilarious.
We stand in front of groups of people and say awkward things. (My favorite is Ally's "If God wants me to do the Race without clothes…" comment in front of the church last week). We sit in chairs and drink instant coffee while we are introduced. We only know the announcer is saying something about us because all of a sudden everyone in the room will turn and look at us. People laugh at us and we have no idea why. I wear the same dress almost every day because it’s the only one I have. I never quite know what is going on. We think we are going to spend the day teaching college students, and instead we are presented with a room full of elementary school kids. There is daily miscommunication and confusion. There are language barriers and cultural differences. I have probably offended people without even realizing it.
It’s awkward when I go to the bathroom and then have to figure out what on earth to do with my toilet paper because there is no garbage can in sight and I can’t put stuff like that down the hole. It’s awkward when someone introduces themselves to me and even after telling me their name five times I still don’t know what it is because I can’t understand it. It’s awkward to teach English to three age groups in one afternoon without a single lesson plan or any idea of how much they already know. It’s awkward when I realize that everything I had planned to teach a group of four to eight year olds is stuff they already know. It’s awkward when the people in charge call our group to the front and we’re not really sure if they are expecting us to just say our names or give a full sermon.
I say all of this because it’s just hilarious who God chooses to call sometimes. People can tend to look at missionaries as a special group of people, who have made some sort of noble decision to leave everything for something worthwhile. They say things like, “I could never do that!” Want to know a secret? I can’t do it either. I can’t do most of this. I can’t teach English. I can’t use squattie potties. I can’t build relationships with people who don’t speak my language. There is nothing special about me. I am, without a doubt, one of the most awkward individuals I know.
And yet…
“Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written; “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.”
1st Corinthians 1:26 – 2:5
So there you go. Based on that none of us have any excuse.
I don’t have to be perfect to be a missionary, and neither do you.
