While here in India, something is noticeably different about our squad. Whispers, laughter, and excitement arise from the people we pass. As we walk through the streets every head turns, every eye catches ours, and every mouth drops. We look at each other. Is something wrong? Are we dressed inappropriately? Do we have something in our teeth? No. None of the above. What's different about us…
We are WHITE.
Yes… yes we are. We are the ONLY white people around. We quickly begin to notice that most of the people we are ministering to this month have never seen a white person before in their lives. We are Unique to them. Different. Exciting. New. I feel like a celebrity. Always getting asked to take pictures with them, having people from everywhere run up to talk to me, and seeing smiles beam from the school children as they say, "Hi sistar, how are you?" and I respond with, "I'm fine, how are you?". The energy that exuberates from this culture is unbelievable. I fell in love instantly. Where else could I ever get this much attention by just walking down the street?
This enjoyment did not last very long.
The honeymoon period of India wore off. After about a week the stares became awkward, the pictures became a nuisance, and the children running up to me became annoying. (As much as I hate admitting these things, I promised that I would always be honest in this blog.) I found myself wanting to just disappear, or color my skin brown, or just hide. I began to subconsciously brainstorm… where can I hide?
Behind a bush? Behind a cow?
Behind a pile of trash on the street? Behind a food cart?
Behind a prayer scarf and sunglasses? Behind a herd of goats?
Or just stay in the house?
As silly as these sound, I contemplated all of them. I missed those days were I could walk down the street and not get bombarded. I missed blending in. I missed feeling normal.
I missed the point.
God very quickly convicted me. He has called us to exuberate Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. (Galatians 5:22) He calls us to walk away from our own selfish desires, walk away from ourselves, and be His hands and feet!!! I was slapped in the face and my eyes were opened again. The stares are curious eyes noticing that something's different in us (Christ within us), the pictures are for them to remember the lasting impressions we've made on their hearts, and the children running up to us are simply excited to practice their English on someone who's American. They leave feeling accomplished that they could even communicate with us and that what they're learning in school is useful. Their hearts and motives are pure. They all just want to feel loved. Was I loving them by wanting to hide from their attentions?
Jesus didn't hide. We read in the Bible over and over again how he preached to thousands at a time and had crowds following him everywhere he went, sometimes to the point of almost trampling him over. What did Jesus do? "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd." Mark 6:34. He had COMPASSION on them. He didn't get frustrated with all the stares and commotion. Jesus didn't hide.
I began to change my prayers, "Lord, renew in me a clean heart. A heart of compassion. A heart of love. A heart of joy. A heart of peace. A heart of patience. A heart of kindness. A heart of goodness. A heart of faithfulness. A heart of gentleness. A heart of self-control. Give me Your heart, oh Lord!"
Our last week in India was like a second honeymoon. I felt rejuvenated. I felt excited. I felt ready to go, love, and serve. The end of Matthew 6:34 says, "So he began teaching them many things". I wasn't able to fully serve His Kingdom and teach them about His heart until I truly cleaned out my own. As vulnerable as this blog is and as embarrassed as I am to even post it I know that God wants me to open myself up and reveal to you all the weak areas of my heart. I truly believe their is healing when we call upon the name of Jesus to cleanse us. I know he will continue to clean out the mess that's in my heart.
