Going into Thailand I knew there would be a chance that I would be doing bar ministry, meaning I would go to the bars and build relationships with the girls being sold, the ladyboys, the bar owners, etc. I knew this would mean that I might hear heartbreaking stories, and sharing in their burden. Saying that I was nervous was an understatement. Terrified seems to be a more accurate term.
Let’s take a quick flashback to my time in college. While I was there I was part of Atlanta outreach ministry, which is a relational ministry with the homeless people in downtown Atlanta. I listened to their stories and shared their burdens. As much as I loved this ministry I cannot describe how difficult it was for me emotionally, and I only went out once a week. I also often felt like I held back and didn’t step out in faith much whilr I was out there. Looking back at it would oft make me feel like I failed because I didn’t do my best.
I also was friends with girls who fought sex trafficking in Atlanta, and saw them carry the burdens of the girls they knew. So going into Thailand I KNEW from both experience and observation that if I did bar ministry that it would be especially difficult, and I would be going out every other night thus adding to the emotional weight.
I thought that my ministry would be assigned, so I planned on going with the flow and trying bar ministry if it was given to my team, but because of the situation with my team I got to choose between working in a cafe and building relationships with the girls who work there or going out to the bars. Both options are wonderful and worthwhile, but I was dealing with a full blown war in my mind. Should I work in the cafe building relationships with the workers and not risk a night of destroying my emotions, or should I risk the my emotions and go out to the bars? Is the cafe just an easy way out for me or genuinely how I want to do ministry for a week? Or do I want to go to the bars to redeem myself from my time in Atlanta and prove to myself that I can do it? I went back and forth questioning my motives and asking God. I actually was driven to tears because of it.
Ultimately God asked me to go to the bars, not so that I could redeem myself but so I could see how far He has brought me since I ministered in Atlanta. I just begged for Him to show me hope when I went out because I feared the burden would be too great if I didn’t see some twinkling of light out there.
I went to bars a grand total of 2 times (I was only there for a week, and there was a holiday so the bars were closed one night). The first night it was hard to make much of a connection, but I got a feel for what it was like. The second and final time I went out we had a girl from a team group tag along. That night we talked to one girl. Even though she was just visiting her sister and was going home soon she was still for sale in the bar. She was one of the sweetest girls I ever met. She had such a genuine smile and I even taught her how to play pool, or at least how to hit the ball. We spent a couple hours hanging out with her and just getting to know her. I wasn’t going to be back, but the ywam girl was staying for a while, and got the girl’s number so they could get coffee and continue their relationship. As we walked out some other men entered the bar and were interacting with our new friend, and though it felt like a punch in the gut, God gave me hope. I knew the girl would be invested in and loved, and I knew she would be home soon and out of the bars.
I may never know what happens to her, but I know she is in God’s trustworthy hands.
