If you read my last blog then you know about some of the challenges facing me this month about losing control. I expected to be challenged, but I didn't anticipate God's next move. My team is assigned to be in Serbia to find new ministry contacts and help in any way we can. I absolutely fell in love with the country, and then God uprooted me from there before I thought I was ready to leave.
Currently I'm sitting in Bulgaria, just outside the capital because I have to go to the India consulate to get my India visa. I had to miss out on going to two churches with my team in order to travel here, and I was really looking forward to both services. My head is spinning because I don't know how long it will take because I need to somehow get an appointment, I'm a bit paranoid about the application because they are very particular about how it's filled out, I really have no set plan in my head as far as budget for while I'm here because of how uncertain all the plans are, it's strange being separated from most of my team, and, quite frankly, I miss Serbia. As much as I'm itching to get this process over with I know God is using this for my benefit. God did not call us to be comfortable, but to be conformed to His image. I'm certainly not comfortable, but truly trusting God and depending on Him means giving up any notion that I have control, and that will ultimately bring me to be more like Him.
As much as I feel lost, I'm already seeing God's provision. I have had some coveted alone time (which is especially wonderful for those, like me, who are very introverted), and my squadmates have done well to make sure I feel taken care of. When I arrived after most of the markets were closed and my stomach was grumbling they made sure I was fed, and they already had my bed ready for me. The girls included me in their plans, and let me deal with the stress surrounding the situation, even when it meant laughing in the middle of a large super market because I was so overwhelmed. I just feel loved and cared for, and I know they are God's provision for me in this time.
As silly as I feel for letting this situation shake me, and as much as I let the worry get to me and the negativity spill out of my mouth, I can see God providing around every turn. I keep saying "but it's okay" because I KNOW God has it. Now I just need to act like I believe it. I keep searching for stability in every situation, but I keep forgetting what was spoken over me at Training Camp….God's love is stable.
