Peru has felt like a transition month. A layover between Ecuador and Nicaragua. I know I am coming out of it stronger personally, and I know we did a lot of tangible ministry, but the storyline feels convoluted and vague. It feels like we arrived, spent the month doing whatever was asked of us, whenever it was asked of us without any schedule, and then packed our bags and left. For as much as I enjoyed the physical attributes of Trujillo, I never got in a rhythm and this short month was very tiring. 
As I explained in a previous post, we were going to be building a wall this month. The wall was built, but not at the church we expected. Our construction assignment was changed the second week and we were sent to another church that needed work done more urgently. It wasn’t a problem and the work we did at the second church is incredible. It was nice to see tangible results and leave a place with something physical. This was the work I had been yearning for month one, tangible results that can be viewed, change you can take to the bank. But this was month three. As I look back on the month, I am personally disappointed in the spiritual mark we left on our area. Maybe I was tired because of the hard work, maybe the opportunities didn’t present themselves like months past. Maybe I let the luxuries of city living make me soft. After months of changing the spiritual atmospheres in the communities we visited, this month felt empty.
This spiritual emptiness soon gave way to physical emptiness as I was sick the last week of the month with digestive issues. It felt as if someone was ramming a knife in my stomach and twisting. After several days of being unable to eat, I felt empty. The frustrations of the month had culminated to a point where God felt so painfully near yet so far away. I needed to refuel. I think it speaks to the fleeting nature of our physical existence that we retain the ability to consume things of the spirit long after our ability to consume food has abandoned us. When our bodies fail, our spirit remains. When our flesh and it’s desires feel the most dead, our spirit often comes the most alive.
I had wrestled early in the month with the comforts we had this month. We had hot showers, a McDonald’s nearby, food prepared in a sanitary kitchen at a church, a wonderful church to live in, worship with projection screens and a bed. We went to the beach on off days and had the opportunity to explore ruins. My life in Trujillo was better, from a living conditions standpoint, than anything I thought I would have experienced this year. I loved the amenities and saw some very amazing sights, but something was missing.
I’m not who I was when I left in January and I realized I let the mindset of the old Jeff influence new Jeff. In my time sick I was able to really analyze the person I have become and compare that person who I was. I’m changing, improving, being molded and sometimes it’s uncomfortable. I need regular time to just be quiet with God. I need to be wary of distractions. I need to worship. I need to be challenged. I can’t get comfortable. I need to always be growing, always learning, always wanting more of the things God has for me. When I do these things, I feel energized in the spirit and flesh, ready to do the work God has called me to do. When I don’t, my spirits are low and my flesh falters. I need to be wholly reliant upon God.
In Him,
Jeff
