I’ve never been a good student.
Maybe it’s the rebellious side of me?
Authority issues … I think so!
Really Taylor?
A forced writing assignment!
Could you think of anything worse?
I hate being told to process.
That’s why I gave away my journal month 4.
The last thing I need to carry around on my back,
in my pack,
is my emotional baggage in a leather bound notebook.
This is silly.
This squad monologue fad is not something that I want to get on board with!
Why am I so Angry?
Where am I you ask?
I’m on the race, month 9, in Kenya.
Is there more to it?
I suppose I am looking for a word that could possible sum up this crazy emotional roller coaster I’m on.
Or maybe it is an eloquent string of lyrics that some dignified bible scholar would delight in?
Nevertheless, it is 3am and in this forced classroom I sit.
The constant tap of the rain on this tin roof is a distraction.
I try to distinguish the sound of one drop from all the rest,
impossible!
Is this how the situation in Colorado started?
Was it from a few undistinguishable droplets of water?
Now, a rushing river of destruction.
It’s familiar.
At first it begins with just a few passing thoughts that I felt compelled to entertain.
Soon they became undistinguishable.
Repetitive.
And before I knew it
I was filled with confusion and chaos.
I’m kicking …
trying to stay afloat in this rushing, swirling mess in my mind.
Going home,
December 6th?
Then what?
How am I going to get there?
Hell, I don’t even know from where I need to get!
Why would they torture us by giving only a date?
When am I going back to work?
I wish my boss would respond.
Is that even where I am supposed to be?
Is this compound in the middle of Kenya where we are all supposed to be?
I’m in Africa but my heart …
I left it in Southeast Asia!
Will I ever get back there?
My bracelet serves as a reminder.
Remember Nhu!
Bracelet or not … How could I forget?
Will there be anything worth blogging about in my new life?
Man if only I could get a pay check.
A few dollars would do the trick.
How much is a dollar worth again?
Ahhh … My car!
Windows down, radio up.
It’s January dufus!
Note to self, January 7th buy a hoodie.
Maybe I should make a playlist!
I'll title it … The race is over.
A tear.
Is this where it all ends?
I’m going to miss my friends!
Scratch that!
My family!
54 brothers and sisters!
Will I see them … ever?
I’ve got to work,
will there be time?
Sobbing!
Discouraged!
Out of Love a decision was made.
At least that is the way Chantlos see’s it!
In a way I guess I do to.
I’m struggling!
What is the benefit for me?
Is it even about me?
They say it’s a new season
I get it
The rainy season!
Where am I you ask?
Flooded!
Back to my original sentiment.
Why am I so angry?
I have been for as long as I can remember!
Why is that?
The Lord told me I am a warrior.
A fighter!
Somewhere along the line, I got it confused.
He didn’t say fight all the time.
Team Changes.
Walking along the red dirt path.
“Why do think they kept us together?,” He asked.
In the moment I didn’t see it.
He is so full of joy.
The kind of guy that I desire to be.
There it is …
The reason the two of us are together.
The reason all of us are together.
They have something and I want it.
Joy!
