If I haven’t seemed myself lately in any way, it’s just because I’m bleeding.
The last few weeks I’ve slowly been having things stripped of me that I didn’t realize I loved so much or that I used to make myself feel comfortable and secure. Just like a cloth can become attached to a scab, we tend to patch our wounds and past hurts with mirages of comfort and security. Soon enough, they become part of us and we don’t even realize what’s going on under the surface. When the cloth is torn off, the wound opens again and you realize how frail the things were you trusted in.
I didn’t realize how much I worshipped my job, my alone time, my pride and my things. They were sleepers, so to speak, in my life – things that weren’t bad in and of themselves but good things the enemy was using to keep me dormant. God has been tearing off these “cloths” one by one and I’ve been feeling shocked at their presence and at the same time feeling exposed and bloody.
I’ve been told that God is going to continue to strip things away from me on the race but I know it will just lead me into a deeper relationship with Him.
I’m thankful that God is tearing off these comforts and these things that I’ve built up around me to feel okay. But I won’t lie and act like it’s not hurting. But I’ll welcome the hurt if it means Jesus is making me more like himself.
In my own strength I build mirages of comfort to then go and do God’s will with a smile when I think things feel okay. In Gods strength, He becomes the only comfort I need; a real comfort that gives me a smile to go do God’s will even when things don’t seem okay.
See the difference?
But more often than not, the times that shape you are the times that make you more like Jesus. They make you more loving and more gracious and aren’t usually the times that you look back on as “good ole days”. By Gods grace I can take the dark road that leads to life. I can think on the sovereignty and goodness of our God. I can think on His promises that He is able to work everything together into something miraculous and beautiful. Even the seemingly meaningful uncomfortable situations might just be the hand of God at work to grow me into the man that He wants me to be.
It’s hard and it’s complicated to lay out everything to a God who works through pain. It’s tough to trust in a Lord who allows suffering. He wants me to be uncomfortable. He wants to strip me of myself to become more like Him. It would be a whole lot easier to mindlessly promise myself that Jesus always wants to make life easy, but I know that’s not how He works. If anything Jesus uses dark colors when He paints. He loves streams in the desert and life out of death.
Just look at the cross, it’s evidence to our minds and deep in our souls that our Lord is a Lord who brings beauty out of pain.
So I’m bleeding, I’m uncomfortable, but if this is the road that the Lord has brought me down, then I say “Don’t stop it, Lord.” Redemption was born on a way far darker day than this, so bring on the pain. Jesus do whatever you’ve got to do to completely change my heart. It’s all Yours.
After all it’s me that needs to change..I’m bleeding for You.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18
Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him I will surely defend my ways to His face. Job 13:15
So that’s just a little look into my heart as I prepare to leave. I never really expected this to hurt. I never expected this to have an effect on me as much as it would effect the nations.
If your prayer is to be the hands and feet of Jesus (which I pray it is) then expect for Him to take you through a process of making your hands and feet like His.
“He must increase; I must decrease.” John 3:30
