Enough
The reflection of my time in Panama brings forth the word enough. At this point in the Race the scripture of God not giving me more than I could handle came in my mind plenty of times. To be amidst fully in my team community, love unconditionally, have the vibrancy and stamina to do ministry with true servant hood and gusto seemed to be a struggle. The desire was there but my energy and patience seemed to be weary.
There was this inner struggle with being ok with the constant change in ministry during these three weeks. I was actually relieved that the serving moments were changeable, brief but impactful. But the questioning of why this was occurring was at the forefront. I knew full well that I did not want my last months to be in vain, counting down the days until I was in my familiar home setting with loved ones. The question of whether it was laziness, complacency, or spiritual attacks kept rolling around in my mind.
Never less when the situation seemed to be overbearing and I was at my wits end God brought relief. There was sickness that provided a day of rest and reflection, change in my environments that brought new people, insights, and relationships. Every time I laid my feelings at His feet He only gave me enough…nothing more or less …and as a result I knew that with Him I could handle what He was asking me to do at that moment and time.
At one particular point of reflection the awareness of a lifetime of routine came to me. It was like a light bulb had been turned on! Since I had been five years old, twenty-eight years of my life, my body has been on the same time frame and response mode. Start school in September, multiple holiday breaks, and in June, schools out for the summer! My elementary school days, high school, college, teaching, graduate school, all of these days followed the same schedule. So in this season of time my body was starting to enter into the shutdown and recoup mode.
This made so much sense of why my mind and body wanted to shut down and this realization brought relief among my mass confusion.
The struggle being, that the WR is not on this same schedule. So…I’m pushing through…and embracing the moments of down time and transition. Keeping my mind focused on making an impact with my prayer life, love, serving attitude and heart, all the while inviting the Holy Spirit to be the forerunner has been the push and motivation throughout my weeks.
My weeks in Panama were truly tailor made for me…our hostel stays (awesome ministry moments), working with Carman and the school, living on an island with the Kuna people, living in the orphanage with the Beloved girls and my three day solitude retreat with Heather and Pam… not overwhelming or too much…but enough… and for that the ministry and impact was abundantly blessed.
