I don’t know how to start this blog any other way than the way I start this
conversation with my mission field family. Side note, “I don’t know” might
be used quite often in this blog because I am not God therefore I don’t
know His plans. The last few weeks God and I have been having this debate
about me doing long term missions. So far the big guy is winning! Honestly,
I had an expectation of the Lord calling me to a long term missions life
after doing the world race, but in reality it is one of those things you
expect to happen but part of you hopes it doesn’t. I am not really
surprised God and I are having this conversation, the part which keeps
scaring me is the part of when. I don’t know why He has chosen me, but I
don’t care because I chose to follow Him. I don’t know what He wants me to
do yet, but obviously I don’t need to because He hasn’t told me yet. I
don’t know how to make it happen yet, but I didn’t think the world race was
possible and God did amazing things for this to happen. However, God has
given me a time which I am freaked out about and I am really trying to talk
Him out of it.
We’ll come back to that, just stick with me through some of the details.
India was not my most favorite month. Nepal was fun and peaked an interest
of mine but didn’t quite hit the spot. Thailand was nice, comfortable and a
lot of fun, but not quite what my heart longed for. Malaysia was awesome
and I think at one point I convinced myself I needed to go back there to
fulfil some sort of duty for the Lord. Cambodia had a really nice ministry
but I don’t think I would ever choose to return there. Then came Vietnam. I
don’t know why I love Da Nang, Vietnam so incredibly much, but it has
captured every part of my heart. I don’t know how I fell in love with Da
Nang, Vietnam in less than three weeks but I desire to be a part of this
city. I don’t know what made this city so much different than every other
place on the planet I have ever been, but it is a place unlike any place
God has shown me yet. In theory this month should’ve more or less sucked
because it is month six, half of the race is over, it is our last month in
Asia and this month included Christmas away from our families. Vietnam is
also a closed country, so our ministry wasn’t super evangelical simply
because it isn’t allowed. So not only was it expected to be a
psychologically difficult month, the ministry wasn’t super amazing by most
missionaries standards either.
The hours of our last day count down painfully slow and the only thing I
have to look forward to is a 24 hour bus ride which is part of the next
five days of continuous travel with 49 people whom I love but generally get
on my nerves followed by spending the first five days of Africa camping
with all of them. It didn’t take long for reality to set in; I’m going to
really miss this place, these people and this culture. I am sitting at a
restaurant which I frequented often (alright, I went there every day)
ordering a pizza to take with me on the bus ride and I am saying goodbye to
the staff who are mostly deaf and it is the first time I felt truly sad
about leaving any certain place. As I continue to talk with my friend Thao
while I wait for my pizza, the robot known as Jason cries. My heart was
breaking for these people and this city; it was painful and sad. The
friendships I made this month had meaning, they were not the less than a
month acquaintances we have all fallen into the habit of doing at this
point. I allowed myself to be connected not only to individuals, but the
community as a whole. And if any of you know me, I connect with the Lord
best through nature and creation. Let me just say, I really connected with
the amazing creations God has in Da Nang.
Like I said, this has been a conversation God and I have been having for a
few weeks. God hasn’t specifically said I will be back to Da Nang although
I think this is the direction He is going. God hasn’t specifically said
what type of ministry I’ll be involved in. God hasn’t really said anything
about how I am supposed to make this work other than to trust Him, which is
good enough for me. But God did drop a huge bomb on my life by telling me I
won’t be home next Christmas. More specifically, I won’t be in America next
Christmas. Once again, I don’t know a whole lot right now, but I know God
speaks very clearly and always honestly. I am continuously in prayer about
this because I am freaking out about not being in America by next Christmas
especially since the first five months of this year will be spent outside
of America. By my calculations, I’m not left with a lot of time to figure
things out in the states if I am to turn around and leave within six
months. I’ve committed to following Him, so if this is what it takes I
accept it. I would like to ask you all to be praying about this also
because this is going to take a lot of work as far as I can see and might
be very difficult. Please be praying for peace and wisdom and a willingness
to submit to my Fathers authority. Also I would appreciate you all praying
about how you could be involved in this process as well, whether it be an
encouraging word, prayer, simply being a listening ear or any number of
things I may need in this year to come.
I pray each one of you has had a God filled year. I also pray for your year
to come to take you to greater places with the Lord. 2012 is over and the
world didn’t come to an end which means God has so much for us to do here
still (and the Mayans were completely bonkers). Praise God for everything
every day because it is His will being done on earth as it is in heaven.
As He leads me,
Jason
