My reflections on being single and what I’m learning…
Slowly swaying as the crisp autumn breeze tickles my mustache. Yes, I grew a mustache. It is quite hilarious. Also, manly.
I currently lay enjoying my Honduran hammock I purchased this past summer while working in La Ceiba. The place I give credit to opening my heart to mission work.
Like a pendulum I teeter back and forth. My hammock, nestled in the woods of my grandfather’s home, is where I get away and talk with God. There is something about the evenings of a West Virginia fall. It’s tranquil. It’s intimate.
It feels weird to say “God told me” this. As I lay reading my bible, I’d like to think God led me down a train of thought that allowed me to experience his message. It’s not like a stray leaf spiraled down with a note from God written on it. And at the end he finishes with a strong “P.S. Spread the word.” Like we’re in junior high and about to execute a sweet prank.
As I begin my journey of mission work around the world, it’s natural to contemplate my entire situation. At the forefront, relationships.
I’m not a serial dater. I’ve only legitimately dated a few girls and two of those only lasted a couple months. Is that good or bad? I’m not sure what that says about me.
Some have jokingly questioned my sexuality because I’m not chasing girls around 24/7 and trying to have sex with everyone.
Not exaggerating, I was asked if I was gay at my father’s funeral. MY FATHER’S FUNERAL. Haha I can’t make this stuff up. No hard feelings. I get that my approach is a bit odd to some, but normal to others.
Meanwhile, I don’t want to paint a picture of perceived perfection, an innocent little boy. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve tried to make relationships work that I shouldn’t have. I’ve done things in those relationships that I shouldn’t have. I’ve chased girls that I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have, I should have…the list could go on and on. However, I’ll spare you the details. Long story short…I’m human.
I recently came back from a trip to Kings Island with a very close group of friends. A young married couple with a toddler, a recently married couple of whom I was honored to be a part of their wedding last month, and lastly a couple who is newly engaged (on top of a freaking castle in Ireland). Aaaaaand then there is my best friend and I. Flying Hans Solo with his co pilot, Hope Solo.
We are a running joke of what we refer to as “chronically single.” So why is that perceived with a negative connotation?
What has got me on this subject lately is that being accepted to the world race comes with it some terms. Nothing negative or extensive. But one notable term is asking me to remain single up until and through the duration of the race. It’s not a bad term. It serves a great purpose. Keeping my focus on God and the journey he has for me. So why does staying single sound so inherently depressing to people?
Humans crave relationship. We desire companionship. God specifically created Eve for Adam. The problem arises when we don’t have our own Eve, we try to create her. Due to loneliness and even more so, lack of patience.
By creating our own Eve, we are projecting our own worldly idea of perfection onto this partner. That they will fix our brokenness, mend our wounds. That they are perfect. God didn’t create Eve to be perfect, he created her to balance Adam. Men and women are created to be together, but humans aren’t perfect. No person will measure up to your misconstrued concept of perfection day in and day out. People screw up. That’s like trying to mash two corner puzzle pieces together. Sure, sometimes their edges imperfectly align. That certainly doesn’t mean they were designed to be together. Don’t force them.
We are part of God’s puzzle picture. He designed certain pieces for us to be closely bonded with. Pieces we’re meant to latch to. To fill their gaps. Friendship, family, mentors, romantic relationships.
Others are indirectly connected. Linked from a distance. Mutual pieces as common ground between them. Acquaintances if you will.
These pieces, intricately interconnected, are what create God’s bigger picture. We are a part of his plan. Some are corner pieces and some are those awkward four pronged nightmares that have one faint color and you never know which direction to turn them. They are wild cards haha.
So stop trying to force what is not there. Wasting time only worried about one puzzle piece. Appreciate all the pieces you have for what they are. If you’re meant to be with someone, he will connect your pieces. In the end, your happiness doesn’t come from a romantic puzzle piece. It comes from HIM. Be patient, trust God, and just live your life how he calls you. Wait for him to provide your puzzle pieces. He created your puzzle, allow him to assemble it.
Understand something. I’m not a preacher, and I don’t know more than anyone else. I’m just a regular guy expressing what God is trying to teach me about patience, understanding, and trusting his work. In the meantime, HE is arranging my puzzle pieces.
