Continued from “The Search for Identity Part 1”
Month 3, Bolivia. This is where God showed me my identity and it started with helping me understand what it meant to be a son of God. I read two books that brought the idea of ’sonship’ and ‘identity’ into sharp perspective. The first was called, “Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship”, by Jack Frost and the second was, “Victory over the Darkness” by Neal Anderson. These books helped me realized just how amazing being a son of God is and that as His son I am loved and accepted for who I am and not for what I do. They not only confirmed what God has been showing me but expanded my understanding. I don’t have to strive for His acceptance, I am accepted, I can rest in Him. I don’t have to earn His love, I am loved. I don’t have to depend upon others for recognition or praise, all I have to do is go to the Father. My self-image no longer has to be negative, it is positive and affirmed because I know that I have such value to God and that He loves me so much.
As a son, I can come to my Heavenly Father for restoration for my past wounds. Through His goodness, He lovingly and patiently leads me down a path of healing. This healing is critical in finding my true identity because my past wounds and mistakes have left me in a place where I feared to trust, I feared rejection, and I feared opening up my heart to love. These fears paralyzed my ability to take risks, to be truly vulnerable with people, and to accept love from anyone, including God. As He walks me through healing and forgiveness, these fears grow weaker and weaker.
God also showed me that my past identity was dead with Christ. That as part of the work Christ has done on the cross, I was risen a new person with a new identity. The best part is that the Bible spells out what my identity is and Anderson gave me a tool to use. The tool is an “I am” list. It is essentially a list of who I am in Christ, it is the foundation for my identity in Him. As I began to read and pray over this this list the Holy Spirit began to strengthen me in my belief of who I am in Christ and begin to beat back the lies I had believed for so long. This list has been an important part of every month since I learned about it and has been something I continue to grow in daily. The freedom I am experiencing in Christ grows daily.
Month 4, India. In addition to strengthening my identity, God used this month to show me just how much need there is in this world. My heart was broken in India and God showed me that there was a lot of work that I could help with in India. Earlier I mentioned that God showed me that I my career was going to be involved with restoration, well part of that will be in India. I intend to continue my career in the States but I am hoping to spend a portion of my free time working with a few organization to get some socially focused businesses off the ground. There is a huge need to provide jobs to the broken and destitute. Like providing a prostitute with a way off the street or giving a homeless man a job so he doesn’t have to sell his children. God showed me that there is a lot of need for an individual with my skill sets.
Month 5, Nepal. God showed me a lot of what true rest meant even in the midst of earthquakes and a hernia. I was able to rest and find peace and joy because I knew that my Heavenly Father was always going to be with me and He cares for me. God is in control of all things. Every circumstance can be used by God to bring about growth and maturity in His children and it was in Nepal that I realized that part of being a son is trusting the Father with everything. Trusting that He knows what He is doing and that I can rest in the fact that He will fight my battles for me and that He knows my needs. As a son I can rest in the goodness that comes from the resurrection and the finished work of Christ. The freedom grew.
Month 6, Malaysia. God continued to strengthen my identity as a lover and He showed me that the mistakes of my past will not define my future. I forgave myself for a lot of things in Ecuador but changing the way I view myself will take time. I have been listening to the enemies lies about me for the last 30 years, I need to be patient and give myself grace in rewiring my brain to think differently. I was afraid of stepping into my future because of the failures of my past but part of my identity in Christ is not simply victory but the fact that I am God’s workmanship, “created in Christ for good works, which God perpared beforehand, that we should walk in them”, Ephesians 2:10. I can step into my future with confidence because God has gone before me.
Month 7, Thailand. This month has been a continuation of really letting my new identity rewire the way I think and see myself and others. 30 years of thinking in a negative way isn’t going to be changed in 3 months, it is going to take time and that is ok. Quality growth doesn’t happen overnight, it can take years. I don’t want to be a seasonal flower that springs up, blooms, and dies in the first winter. I want to be an oak. Established in my identity and Christ, able to withstand the coldest of winters because I am firm and confident in who I am in Christ.
So, are you up for a challenge?
