As I sat in the back of the van, silent tears rolling down my cheeks, I realized letting go of the desire to protect loved ones is tough. As a Christian, I should ultimately trust all of the people I love to the gentle hands of God but it is one thing to say it and another to actually do. Last week God began walking me through this process with my youngest brother Daniel.
I was in Bangalore, India when I got the text from my mother that Daniel had been admitted into the hospital with heart problems. I had very little information thanks to a sketchy wifi connection in Bangalore, India. All I knew is that he was in the hospital and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong with him. I instantly started praying but soon my emotions were too much to keep bottled up and the tears streamed down my face.
I love my siblings very much. When they are going through a tough time, I do my best to be there for them. But in this case I couldn’t be there for Daniel. All I wanted to do was rush to the hospital and be with him. I wanted to make him laugh, to be able to comfort him, to keep his mind off the craziness of hospitals, I wanted to love him, protect him, make his heart better. But I couldn’t do that and it hurt.
Before I left on the World Race I knew that I would have to let go of my desire to protect my siblings. I know it sounds crazy, but a part of me thinks that I am still babysitting them, like when we were kids and it’s my responsibility to protect them. God and I talked about it but I merely said the words, my heart hadn’t actually let them go into God’s hands.
A few days after I heard the news about Daniel, I was reading the story of Joseph and God showed me something I had never noticed before in Genesis 37:18-28. This is the part of the story where nine of Joseph’s brothers, in a jealous rage, decide they want to kill him. However there is one brother, Reuben, who wants to protect Joseph. So Reuben persuades his brothers not to kill Joseph with their hands, but they should throw him in a dry well and leave him to die. The brothers agreed. Now, Rueben had planned on sneaking Joseph out of the well and returning him home but God had different plans for Joseph. While Rueben was away, his brothers ended up selling Joseph into slavery. 10 years later, Joseph would be the second most powerful man in Egypt next to Pharaoh.
Despite Reuben’s best intentions and carefully conceived plan, God had a different plan for Joseph. Even though, in Reuben’s heart, he thought he knew what was best for Joseph, God had something greater planned. The things Joseph had to go through before he rose to power in Egypt were tough but God used him to save entire civilizations and the nation of Israel.
Like Reuben, I need to yield to God’s bigger plan for my brothers life. My worries and desires to protect Daniel come from the deepest love my heart can muster but greater love is giving him to God and allowing God’s mighty plan for his life to take shape and letting God protect.
Update: The doctors determined that Daniel has a Supra Ventricular Tachycardia. He will have corrective surgery this June and has been cleared to become the crazy cool 15 yearly old young man that God created him to be! God is good!
