Training camp was everything and nothing of what I expected it to be. I knew it would be physically challenging, but not everyday that I was there. I knew that I would learn more about Christ, but didn’t think it would be every second of every day. I’m glad no one told me any of the major parts of tc, so I’m not going to spoil it for anyone else. Of course if you want to chat it up, I would gladly do that for ya. But until then this is all I’m giving away.
I think it was day 2 they had us do our 3 mile hike in 50 minutes. I had been walking around Arlington with my pack for preparation, but I don’t think anything would have prepared me for those Georgia hills. As soon as we lined up I immediately doubted that I would make my time. I let every ounce of self-confidence and all the Lord said I was escape my thoughts. The enemy was winning in a big way. We started walking and all I could think of was, “WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK AM I DOING?” We kept walking and I began wrestling with God, or really just me yelling at Him. “God, I thought you said I could do this. I can’t do this. Why did you call me here? I’m not going to make it. This is so dumb.” I was so mad and discouraged. When we were nearly done, I was pretty much ready to throw in the towel. You know how people have those “but God” moments? I had one. I was ready to quit, but God had different plans. I was walking with Toni, then Lauren comes and starts speaking life into who I am as a daughter of God. “Jarren, you are a Princess Warrior! You are going to finish because you’re strong. You got this.” I mean I probably wasn’t receiving it well, but I appreciate her love and truth. Still frustrated we round the last hill and 3 of the guys on my squad come running up. One on the right, one on the left and one in the back lifting up my pack to make it lighter. We finished. I laid down knowing I finished, but also knowing I missed my time by 8 minutes.
Sweat is everywhere and I didn’t want to move. Finished, I say “God, I thought you said I could do this.” Let’s just pause and remind ourselves that God is so gentle its kind of annoying. He is patience and love so of course He does it best. It drives me nuts!! As I finish my thought He says, “You needed this. You needed to know that you won’t be able to do everything by yourself. You needed to see the body of Christ work when you are at your weakest.” I didn’t realize that sometimes I think I can do it all. Or that even the body of Christ works best when I am at my most useful. Truth is, sometimes the body of Christ works when you are weak and powerless. The body of Christ works when you have to lean on others and trust that they will come along side you and run with you or make your pack lighter so that you can finish.
I saw the body of Christ in a way that I have never seen it before. God, of course, was totally right in saying that I needed to be pushed to my limits so I know that my brothers and sisters are right there running the race with me.
Shoutout to my awesome squad for being there in my weakness and in my doubt. I had to do the hike over the next day and that was literally a HOT MESS. Maybe you’ll read about that later 🙂
