Thus far I would say I’ve learned a million small things while on the World Race. Lately, I’ve been very lost in my mind. It seems the case that my faith is not of myself, which is certainly not shocking. I say this because the more questions I seem to have, the more grounded my faith becomes. This seems a paradox because my questions exist in multiple facets.
One of my deepest desires is to learn about early man and his understanding of Yahweh. Of course we have Biblical accounts but I want more than that and the corresponding context as well. Another curiosity of mine is what it looks like for me, Jarred McKinney, to be a man of God. By design of our Creator my faith will look different than the person on either side of me. We as His body all have an individual calling and a unique understanding of that calling. But how does one hear that calling?
In my opinion it often depends on right relationship with God and this sense of “rightness” finds itself amongst my loudest thoughts. What does it look like for me to be in right relationship? There is confusion in that. It leaves room for multiple right answers, does it not? I then begin to slip into the relativity of truth. If what is right and true for you is not right and true for me, where does that leave us? These seem the type of questions that have led to the 30-40,000 denominations around the world.
But we are told to worship in Spirit and in Truth. I can say that I don’t really know what that means. But this is not simply a post-modern struggle. Consider Jesus’ conversation with Pilate in John 18. Jesus states that He came into the world to testify to the truth. “Everyone who belongs to the truth, listens to my voice.” Pilate then asks the question I cannot help but echo: “What is truth?”
Jesus declares that He is the way, the truth, and the life but we seem to have many variations of this truth, don’t we? If I claim to be following Jesus and you do too, what is to be said of conflicting lifestyles and/or theologies? What if the Jesus you are following is contradictory to the one I follow?
Again, I don’t have a clue of what to do with any of these thoughts nor am I trying to patronize anyone for their faith. But I cannot help ask the question, what are we doing? Have we as Christians crippled ourselves with our opposing theologies? In short, why do you believe what it is that you believe about God? In a world where truth is contorted and experience becomes marketed, what does a relationship with Jesus look like? Is it an Instagram post of your Starbucks, calligraphy, and an open Bible? Is it the latest quote from Donald Miller?
Hear me out, I am not saying these things are bad. I love a good dirty chai from Starbucks. I love the Bible and I have even read a thing or two by Donald Miller but I’ve a question that a friend of mine asked me recently.
What does it look like for you to desire God?
Perhaps this is partially where we have gone wrong. We are so obsessed with selling our Christian experience that we’ve forgotten or maybe never even experienced relationship with our God. I know this brings no clarification of the questions of truth and desire, but couldn’t genuine pursuit be a good place to start? Because maybe God has gotten so fed up with us defining our own “truths” that He has just left us to it.
So I am done being apologetic about my lack of certainty. Maybe to know truth you have to forfeit all preconceived notions of it and humbly ask the Father how to take the next step. In this world of uncertainty, perhaps it’s the grey area itself that is the Holy Ground and to worship in Spirit and in Truth is less of an action and more of a mindset.
