I think the biggest tragedy of my life thus far is that in my 22 years on this planet, I’ve never felt deeply alive. Unquestionably there have been moments where I’m more alive than others. My mind takes me to the joys of backpacking and the desire to be in the classroom. I miss the ecstasy of the soccer field and even in the small ways I am reminded I’m alive, like sitting around the fire with my family eating chili cheese fries on a chilly fall evening. But in all of these instances I can’t help but feel a little let down. I return from the trail to the humdrum of life and forget the peace and solitude. The pursuit of knowledge is fleeting and often times subjective. Scoring a goal feels great, but it doesn’t stir me to a deep sense of living. And quiet evenings with my family are tough to beat, but there is a world out there to see.
And I don’t feel guilty about this. I wouldn’t know there is more to life had God not instilled that knowledge within me. Sure, you can combat this with the idea that you’ll never feel alive on this planet because our lives are not of this planet. Yeah, that’s true but I also don’t think God would call his creation to a dull existence. God surely can’t take joy out of half heartedness. C.S. Lewis expresses a similar sentiment by stating that we as humans are far too easily pleased. God doesn’t find our wants and passions too strong but instead he finds them too weak! We’re content building mud pies in the dirt when he has a holiday on the coast for us.
I’m not caught in some youthful fervor either. The richness of life I am longing for does not consist of jumping out of planes, rafting down hazardous rapids, or any other extreme adventure. While these instances would be wonderful and exciting, they’re not sustainable. I want a life that is rich despite suffering, a life that is worth living even when I lose the ones I love. This deep sense of life is not ignorant to the miracle of rain sustaining ecosystems, or a poor man sharing his meal with me. Life in itself is a miracle, how blasphemous of me to take it for granted.
The sad thing is, how many of us simply forget our existence? We forget that we’re walking about on this divine gift we call planet earth. Our creator has placed joys unspeakable and wonders unfathomable on this very planet. What are we doing with our time?
If I’m honest, I thought the world race would bring me that deep sense of life I so desperately long for but thus far it hasn’t. I’m left with the thought that I can’t know life until I’m deeply rooted in Jesus Christ, which I believe I am but that doesn’t make it instantaneous.
I don’t believe the fullness of life can be experienced apart from Him. However I also believe a deep sense of life is here on earth for us to experience. If our Father in heaven delights when we delight in Him, surely He created this temporary situation to be enjoyed.
And now the stoical Christians are up in arms at the idea of active enjoyment, but nonetheless I believe it. That doesn’t nullify other emotions. We live in a fallen world surrounded by sadness and death, but we are called to life.
What does life on this planet look like? How can I discover what it is that fills me with a joy of living? All things come from my Savior, surely He will wake me to life. No longer do I want to be easily pleased.
