At the end of my rope…

This month, I’ve felt like I’m back in America. It’s a
strange feeling, and even though some aspects of this life have been really
nice, I’m not quite sure that I like it.

I am currently living in a wonderful apartment in Bratislava, Slovakia
with Emily and Marisa. We have our own kitchen complete with microwave and oven,
a first on the Race. We have a high-pressure shower with hot water, our own
washing machine, and we can even flush our toilet paper down the toilet! (Just
in case you didn’t know, most of the world doesn’t have that luxury! Flushed
toilet paper=clogged pipes.) We wake up in the morning to coffee and our own
choice of breakfast. I have been able to shower every day (WOW!). We even have
not one but TWO working computers with internet in our apartment. The shopping
is wonderful, and grocery stores have every possible thing you could ever want.
Life is a breeze.

The thing about this world that I don’t like is that people
never seem to stop. Their daily lives are filled with busy work schedules,
transporting their children to school and community activities, and other church/life
obligations. They live similar to the way we do in America: never stopping to “smell
the roses.”

One of the greatest things I have learned these past nine months is that the
only thing God truly desires of me is intimacy. He is pleased with me just as I
am, and he wants me to stop DOING and instead start BEING. DOING has to do with
works; BEING has to do with grace. DOING has to do with my strength; BEING has
to do with his.

The beautiful thing is that God moves through our
weaknesses. I know we’ve heard that a million times, but I’m finally seeing and understanding what that means because I’m finally at a place where I am that weak. Here’s the deal: When we have control of our lives, we leave no place for God. But
when we’re weak and vulnerable, the Lord moves in and does his thing (when, of
course, we stop amidst the chaos and invite him to do so). He gives us the
strength to keep going when our bodies are exhausted. He gives us the wisdom to
make decisions. He makes us able to love. He does it all.

The thing I am most praying for this place is that the
people slow down long enough to discover what true intimacy is; that God
doesn’t really care about our church plans or agendas or how many people we
serve or “save.” He just wants US, completely and utterly sold out to him in
reckless abandon. He wants to know our thoughts, good and bad, and he doesn’t
want us to pretend to be someone we’re not before him. God sees us as dark in
heart, yet LOVELY before him. (Listen to Mike Bickle’s sermon series on the
Song of Solomon to understand what I mean here.)

So every day, EVERY, SINGLE day, I have to stop and fall on
my knees and ask the Lord for his strength to go one more day. (If you think I’m
kidding, just ask one of my teammates what I’m like on a morning when I haven’t
yet done that.) And as I stop long enough to listen, I hear him whispering
things to me like, “It’s okay. I love you, and I will never give you more than
you can handle. Just trust me. I’ve got it all figured out.” I don’t know how
it happens, but my heavenly Father fills me up, and all of a sudden I can start
smiling again. My heart rate goes down, my head stops spinning, and I can see clearly again. I leave my time of being with him knowing that I am secure
and loved, and that makes all the difference in the world.

Are you living for that intimacy? Is his breath your VERY life? Do you know that God loves you just as you are, and he’s waiting for you
to come and be with him today? If you’re unsure about all this, start searching
and see what you find. If you think your life is too busy today, lay it down
for one hour and listen to what God wants to say. You may be pleasantly
surprised. Let him put your life together. It’s so much easier that way.